I’m unretired! And the Miami Marlins are weak.

Ozzie Guillen finally ran his mouth right into some real trouble. The Marlins are effectively letting him get away with it. And, well, that’s rather inexcusable.

Because I’m a guy who’s all about contest, I think you should know what I was doing from about 10 am til noon earlier today:
-Watched and cringed while people on ESPN made excuses for Ozzie Guillen (more on that later)
-Re-read a pretty good post on the subject (sorta) by Keith Olbermann
-Thought about tweeting something on this subject
-Got motivated to blog about Ozzie Guillen, only to realize that I had to work today
-Got an idea to use a work tablet to post said blog, only to realize that blogging on a tablet while working at a computer is a terrible idea
-Decided to write notes in a notebook (!!!) to put on said Internet blog later

So, let’s just say that I give a crap about this. By now, you should be familiar with what Ozzie Guillen said to get in trouble in the first place. Of course, he has come out and apologized “twice”—(the first apology mentioned him being sick to his stomach—that could have just meant that he had something bad to eat the night before)—even once in Spanish!

[And this is where I interject with a note about the ridiculous Ozzie apologists. I've heard everything from "Well since he doesn't normally speak English, maybe he thought he was saying something different!" to "Part of the reason you even hire Ozzie is because he's so outspoken!" Sure, let's just be enablers every time some fun loving guy that likes to run his mouth says something out of line! If we're going to let people say what they want to say without any sort of boundaries, let's just not get mad at ANYTHING! Yeah...no.]

But this post isn’t (supposed to be) as much about Ozzie as it is his employer. The Marlins suspended Guillen five games for…something. I haven’t quite figured out what this punishment is for just yet. Let’s think about what Guillen said. He respected and loved Fidel Castro. This is a guy who ruined people’s lives in Cuba. People who ended up fleeing to—Miami!!! The new Marlins Park is in–LITTLE HAVANA! There’s no excuse for what he said. Can you think of any other coach in any major sport who would still have a job after saying something like that (or at least suffer a significant suspension/fine)? I’ll wait while you think of someone…

Now, I think it is important to recognize a few things:
-The Marlins just opened a new stadium and spent money on free agents for the first time…ever.
-Ozzie Guillen was hired as manager—in part to appeal to the Latino fan base
-Should Ozzie be suspended for a significant period of time, there’s no telling how such a move would impact the team
But, that shouldn’t have mattered. Ozzie made a statement that could easily offend a group of people that his employer (the Marlins) is trying to cater to. In an effort to show that…they’re “serious about not having stuff like this happen”, they slap Guillen on the wrist. (Mind you, this is a Marlins team that sent Logan Morrison to the minors for essentially being too social.)

The Marlins seem to be turning a deaf ear to all of this. There are prominent people in the Cuban community who want Guillen fired. You know, the people the Marlins are trying to court as fans! Remember Hank Williams Jr? Al Campanis? I could go on and on with people who have said offensive statements and ended up being punished for it. You shouldn’t be able to get away with what Ozzie said. I know that he was suspended, but you get a five game suspension for throwing behind a batter. I’m sure he feels bad. That just means he has a conscience. The Marlins are dropping the ball big time. I’m not saying that he should be fired, but something more than a slap on the wrist seems warranted here. This type of stuff should never be tolerated, but the Marlins seem to think otherwise.

When all you want is college basketball (March Madness Blog EN VIVO)

To keep me from burning anything this year, my bracket is online.

Good God, that’s Jordy’s Blogging music!!!!

Not a plausible excuse: I forgot my password.
Plausible excuse: I haven’t felt like writing.

Just to run through a few things that have been going on lately:
1. Meggen and I are expecting!
2. Number 1.
3. I moved back to Columbia. Time to start a family, you guys!
4. I’ve been running a lot! Even lost 20 or so pounds in the process.
5. I’m bald!!!

Anyway, what better way to bring myself back to the blogosphere than with a live blog about college basketball. My fortunes have seemingly worked out for me quite well, and by that, I mean that I’m off today (among other things). So. The beer is here. The sandwich is made. The laptop is charging, and the TV is fired up. PARTY TIME, YOU GUYS!!!

12:11 pm: Beer status: Sweetwater 15. It’s a giant bottle with 10% alcohol. I might be lucky to make it to 12:45.

12:12 pm: Interesting subplot: My cable box is garbage. Completely useless. The TV goes blank at about :58 on the hour, every hour. If I change the channel, it’s fine. THAT’S NOT GOING TO WORK TODAY!! Since I work in technical support, maybe this is my chance to feel like everyone else when their stuff isn’t working.

12:14 pm: Random, yet relevant Facebook post: “Greg Anthony is dressed like The Joker on CBS right now” That’s not an inaccurate statement.

12:15 pm: I hope someone at South Carolina is hearing them play Sandstorm right now and looking for a new song to play during games. It’s not original anymore. Of course, it stopped being original in about 2004. Whatever.

12:17 pm: Because the NCAA is fair and balanced and your record matters, Murray State (barely lost to Butler in the tourney last year) is 30-1. And is a 6 seed.

12:18 pm: Of course, Colorado State couldn’t care less about Murray State’s record, and is out to an early 4-0 lead. Make that 4-3. The loser should be required to drop “State” from its school name.

12:19 pm: Two straight traveling violations by the Rams. That reminds me, here’s the greatest Sportscenter commercial ever.

12:23 pm: Random, yet relevant tweet: @ZachLowe_SI: Actual title of press release I just got “Why March Madness is Important to Nude Recreation.”

12:23 pm: Not sure why cable companies haven’t combated the DirecTV commercials with “When it rains and you have satellite, well, you’re just screwed.”

12:25 pm: Checks bracket…wait. C’MON, Murray State!!

12:26 pm: Nice offensive rebound and kickout for a three. 10-8 Colorado State. I should warn you now that I’m not going to be updating scores all day.

12:31 pm: I’ve accepted the fact that the AT&T commercial where the guy is watching the game on the date makes me so upset because…that guy is me. But really, here’s what kills me about this commercial:
-Why do you even have your phone on the table?
-What kind of response is “Do you think I’m some kind of summoner who can just summon stuff to his phone? OF COURSE YOU CAN, IT’S 2011!!!
-Why did the girl fall for that explanation?
No woman with any sense is going to allow that.

12:38 pm: The problem with having games on TruTV is that you have to watch the ads for their horrendous commercials. Anyway, Kevin Harlan’s on the call! Yay! But so is Reggie Miller. Boooo.

12:44 pm: I interrupted my own live blog to dive headfirst into a discussion about a photo of an anti-Obama car sticker. Sad part is that stuff like that is pretty typical of yours truly.

12:46 pm: 31 minutes in, and we have our first DERP of the day! A missed oop on the alley oop by Kansas State.

12:51 pm: I forgot that Larry Eustachy is the coach at Southern Miss! He likes the coeds.

12:52 pm: 52 minutes in, and my cable box finally decided to get cute! I’m feeling this beer a little too much to care.

12:55 pm: Reggie Miller is throwing out these percentages like anyone gives a damn. We already know that 1-12 shooting is bad, bro.

12:56 pm: “Horrendous shooting thus far,” says Kevin Harlan. Then Southern Miss drains a three. See, you have to talk crap about something in order for it to work out!

1:04 pm: I guess it’s good that it takes less booze to get me wonky. But not if I’m trying to run a live blog until 5 pm!

1:04 pm: Colorado State is up 24-23 at the half against Murray State. Somehow, Leslie Visser still has a job. It’s like CBS takes her out of the cryogenic chamber every March.

1:06 pm: Breaking NFL news. Mario Williams signs a 6 year deal with the Bills. Do you know who he is? No? Okay.

1:07 pm: I know it’s only McGruder, but that name still makes me laugh. Maybe because there are people out there who refer to me as McCooter.

1:09 pm: I hate offensive fouls. They’re all flops.

1:10 pm: Not sure what network came with the idea of showing which team was in the bonus on the scoreline, but it was a great idea.

1:11 pm: Baby news: Meggen felt the baby move! It’s kinda been that way since Sunday, but whatever. YOU didn’t know that until just now.

1:13 pm: More non-basketball stuff. I’m not really a FAN of St. Patrick’s Day. I will wear green, and I’ll probably have a beer. But all these people who have to tell you the percentage of Irish that’s in their blood just annoys me. Seriously, no one asked you, nor does anyone care. You don’t have to be Irish to celebrate. And no one will remember what you said the next day. With that being said, I think my last name is Irish.

1:15 pm: I swear these commercials are running long. When did Southern Miss get within 1?

1:17 pm: Angelo Johnson is in the building! Ugly form, but the three ties the game at 23. In a related story, he looks like he’s about 33.

1:18 pm: For those of you who care, Dwight Howard has a press conference going on. Or something. He’s a punk.

1:19 pm: Random, yet relevant tweet: @awfulannouncing: “@KSJ49: @awfulannouncing “Cannon has a stronger lower body. You can relate Verne.”-Raft”

1:19 pm: Reggie Miller mentions how one of the Southern Miss players could be suffering from an ankle injury. As said player clutches his ankle and writhes in pain on the floor. They’re paying him the big bucks!

1:22 pm: The music people at KFC Yum! Center (that’s a real place, oh by the way) are showing out today. Twilight Zone?!!?

1:27 pm: Jacob Pullen plays overseas now? And Jeremy Lin has a job? What?

1:29 pm: Murray State is now ahead by six against Colorado State. That’s probably going to be my last score update.

1:33 pm: Who in the HELL dressed Greg Anthony? WHAT IS THAT HE HAS ON?

1:34 pm: Random, yet relevant Facebook post: “Southern Miss fans chanting “Where’s your green card?” at a Kansas State player named Angel Rodriquez. Ah, Mississippi… that great beacon of tolerance and hospitality”

1:35 pm: Jay Wright (with Turner) and Seth Greenberg (with ESPN) are great additions by each network on their tourney coverage.

1:38 pm: Here I am thinking that I’m watching TBS. But I was watching TruTV. I can’t keep up, and we’re only an hour and a half in.

1:40 pm: The dreaded “there’s a commercial on every channel!” moment. Because, you know, that’s frustrating!

1:41 pm: Louisville and Davidson tipping off in Oregon. It’s not even 11 am there! That ain’t fair!

1:43 pm: Word that needs to be removed from…everything: Deadly. Brian Anderson mentioned how Davidson was “deadly” from 3 point range. Nobody’s dying BECAUSE those shots go in. Just sayin.

1:45 pm: Now we have three games on. Let’s see if my remote is up to task.

1:48 pm: Nice block by the really dark guy (Racist!). But let’s try to keep that ball in play, okay?

1:52 pm: Peyton Siva did some kind of Houdini stuff to get to the basket. I’m sure he’ll be playing overseas next year too. Or back in Louisville for his 54th year. Whatever.

1:53 pm: The real challenge of this tournament? Me getting through that woeful AT&T commercial.

1:57 pm: This McGruder guy is making me get over his name. Quickly!

2:01 pm: I know I picked Southern Miss to win this game, but I’m not sure that I should be rooting for a Larry Eustachy coached team. People in Ames still hate this guy!

2:08 pm: Still here! Just noticed the horrendous shorts that the Cardinals are rocking.

2:12 pm: Oh, TNT has shows that look dumb too. Great!

2:15 pm: Now the TV is tuned into Albuquerque for Montana-Wisconsin. If I were my cable box, I’d quit too.

2:17 pm: Wisconsin has already scored 11 points. That should last them for about 8 games.

2:21 pm: And, we have our first final of this Thursday! Murray State 58, Colorado State 41. And my bracket is PERFECT!

2:30 pm: Here’s Reggie Miller again, talking percentages. And still, no one gives a damn.

2:33 pm: Kansas State 53, Southern Miss 51. 6:13 left in the half. Will this be the “mad” element of March Madness today?

2:34 pm: McGruder has about 4000 points thus far. And Southern Miss is missing free throws. I think we know how this one is going to end.

2:36 pm: Rodney McGruder is all over the place! This is what happens when I don’t give a crap about college basketball. I miss things!

2:39 pm: BREAKING: Southern Miss made a free throw. Two, even.

2:42 pm: Nice steal by Watson, even better finish! K State 62, Southern Miss 59. It’s real out here, or, there, you guys.

2:44 pm: Angel Rodriguez with the beautiful move! to put the Wildcats up by five.

2:46 pm: I’m sorry, but there’s nothing pleasurable about driving a Buick. Unless you’re ONLY talking about the legroom.

2:51 pm: Southern Miss misses the step-back three attempt. K State up four, 31.4 seconds left. Time to burn the bracket, folks!

2:54 pm: Yeah, K State got away with one there. That was off the Wildcat player.

2:55 pm: K State 70, Southern Miss 64. Where’s a lighter when you need one???

2:56 pm: Okay, folks. Time for a break. It’s hard to find meaningful stuff to type for three hours straight!!!
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

3:06 pm: If I’m a kid on the Davidson or Louisville pep band, do I really want to take a trip to Portland

3:07 pm: That’s probably a nice recruiting ploy. “Come to Louisville and play basketball—you’ll become Homecoming King! No, really!” I’m totally kidding. That’s an awful idea.

3:14 pm: What’s the over/under on “number of ‘Gold On The Ceiling’ plays” for this tournament—200?

3:15 pm: Also, because you asked, here are my top Black Keys Albums:
1. Thickfreakness
2. The Rubber Factory
3. The rest just don’t matter. Sorry.

3:18 pm: Gee, I didn’t know that such a large segment of the March Madness viewing audience was women who wanted to lose weight! (There was a Weight Watchers commercial with Jennifer Hudson on)

3:19 pm: If you are a fan of this blog, you know that I’m an advocate for Weight Watchers. But I didn’t (and still don’t) need Jennifer Hudson to tell me that it works.

3:22 pm: Quick score rundown. Marquette 31, The Romneys 17. Wisconsin 41, Montana 29. Louisville 51, Davidson 39. MADNESS, I tell you.

3:24 pm: There’s not a better way to waste your day than playing Draw Something. Don’t do it, by the way. Then you’ll never read this post.

3:32 pm: Taco Bell wants me to believe that some dude drove cross country to get a Doritos taco that he could have made at home. Nice try, folks.

3:33 pm: Back to Pittsburgh! I’ve been to Asheville four times, and I’ve never seen the UNC-Asheville campus. That means something…to me.

3:43 pm: I like Buzz Williams that much more knowing that he danced on West Virginia’s court.

3:49 pm: Syracuse and UNC-Asheville tied at 15. Weren’t they the last 1 seed to almost lose their first round game?

3:53 pm: Tight game thus far, Cuse 22, UNCA 21. Not like you know UNC Asheville anyway.

3:56 pm: Random, yet relevant tweet: @CRM_Stephen: Northwestern Mutual on their Game of Thrones game.

3:59 pm: I got an alert on my phone stating that the Louisville-Davidson game was close. I turn to the game, and it’s over. Oops?

4:02 pm: Okay, folks. Tapping out for now. I may be back later this evening with updates. Hope you’ve enjoyed it thus far!!

The “Yes I still write a sports blog on occasion” NFL Conference Championship Preview!

I know, I’ve been gone a while, you guys (and gals). I’ll be upfront: Ever since I found out what the other santorum meant, I’ve been too scarred to write. I’ve been taking it day by day, really. I think I’m finally on my way back. I appreciate all your potentially not giving a damns.

Here’s another thing: I haven’t written about the NFL at all this season! That’s ridiculous, right?!!? It’s not like I haven’t been watching (and talking) about football all season. As my girlfriend would probably gladly attest, I didn’t miss a beat this season. I just didn’t blog about it. Anyway, I figured that I’d unnecessarily throw my two cents in…because, y’all need it, right? Right?!!!??!!?? Anyway, here are a few things I picked up on throughout the season:

1. People like Tim Tebow.
Okay, I am one of those people. There were a lot of great things that happened this NFL season (the assault on passing records, the surprising debut of Cam Newton, the impact of less training camp due to the lockout). But the most talked about player was a guy who threw bounce passes on simple 10 yard comeback routes and completed fewer than 50 percent of his passes (and his team finished 9-9). I knew that people had already jumped the shark on Tebow when fans were calling into radio shows reading Revelation and equating that to Tim Tebow. Yes, guys, that really happened.

I don’t know where this Tebow thing is going. I’m still perfectly fine with not trying to “explain” it and letting it ride. And I’m also glad that the Broncos are no longer in the playoffs, simply because they really weren’t that good to begin with. I’m still embarrassed to say that he was the guy that got the most attention this season.

2. Great hype, as always, falls hard.
Remember when the Eagles signed all those players, Vince Young likened it to playing for a “dream team”, and the “experts” were convinced that the NFC title was their (Philly’s) birthright? Yeah…they didn’t make the playoffs. Or how the Packers were unstoppable, and there was a chance they’d go undefeated? Yeah, there were actual cries for the backup quarterback last week. Games are never won off the field, but you’d never know that sometimes.

3. Even grown men like to complain.
Here’s a new item to add to the ever expanding Football Drinking Game: When a receiver misses a pass while being defended and begs for a flag to be thrown. Or when any player begs for a flag to be thrown. Guaranteed to get you at least tipsy by halftime, if not the end of the first quarter. Sure, there are rules violations on every play. But I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to play your game and let the refs do their job. But hey, I think I’m making sense right now—and that just isn’t allowed in the NFL.

Okay, let’s talk actual games now! For what it’s worth, I do think that these are the four best teams remaining. Lots of incredible storylines: great uniforms, (49ers, Giants) old guys who are somehow gaining muscle mass, (Ray Lewis) players inexplicably coming up large in the clutch, (Alex Smith) the “old guard” gunning for another championship, (Tom Brady) the idiotic “nobody believed in us” line (well, Joe Flacco takes the cake here since his own defense seems to doubt him). So, who do I think will win?

(Home team in caps. Just in case you didn’t know)

PATRIOTS (-7) over Ravens
I wouldn’t trust the Ravens to take my trash out. I know that’s really harsh, but am I really supposed to believe in a team that lost by double digits at San Diego, could not get more than 10 points at Jacksonville, and got blindsided at Seattle? Really? The Ravens would get the trash outside, but somehow

"Oh my, that's a lot of plays..."

the trash would never get in the trash can. And then they’d blame it on like…a cat or something. And I actually like Joe Flacco. As a matter of fact, I think he’s a top 15 QB. Greg Cossell is a well-respected NFL nerd, and he thinks the Ravens are limited by:
1. Their receivers are terrible at separating from man coverage. Yeah, that’s not a good thing.
2. Their formations rarely offer a 3rd receiver. Only 8 plays with the 3rd wideout vs. the Texans last week. That would work—if this were 1982 and not 2012.
Say what you want about the defense, but I don’t think that it really scares the Patriots in any way whatsoever. Who’s going to cover the tight ends? Baltimore got 0 sacks against the Texans last week. Tom Brady was last sacked sometime in 1987. Yeah, that’s never a good thing. If the Ravens can go into Foxboro and beat this Patriot team, then I will tip the cap. But I just don’t see that happening today.

Giants (+1.5) over 49ERS
Truth be told: I just flipped a coin (best of 7) to see who I should pick to win this game. The coin said San Francisco. Yes, you can definitely make a case for the Niners. And yes, this is my favorite game of the two because:
-Both teams have terrific uniforms (the Giants road uni is the best in the NFL, and the Niners went back to their ever so classic design from the 80s). Hey, other NFL teams: Making a nice, classy looking uniform isn’t that hard!
-I’m not going to waste my time to look this up, but surely not one publication had this game in their season preview. I’m always excited about the unexpected!
Anyway, if the 49ers were to win this game, I’m pretty sure they’d be the most unlikely Super Bowl team

Awwww the Eli Face!!!

since…maybe the Rams in Super Bowl 34. (Okay, maybe the Cardinals from Super Bowl 43). Is that really going to happen? Can I really bank on San Francisco getting multiple turnovers (as they did in the regular season game vs. the Giants and against New Orleans) again? Do I think the Football Gods want to subject America to The Eli Manning Face? I’m answering all those questions with a “No”. It’s been a great ride, San Francisco. Hard to see tonight being your night.

Of course, if I’m wrong about all of this…pretend that I didn’t write any of it.

2011 in review (Also known as massive humblebrag)

(Find it hard to believe that this blog was viewed 2500 times. Thanks for reading, everybody! I’ll be back this week with some Gamecocks and NFL talk.)

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,500 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 42 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

2011-12 NBA Preview: The Two Man Game

I’m going to assume that my post lamenting the NBA lockout was the sole reason that said lockout ended. Anyway, the sudden change of heart by players and owners (the latter of which getting pretty much what they wanted all along) has me scrambling to do an NBA preview. So, with the help of my NBA guru Mike Baker, we’re going to run a little Two Man Game to answer the questions you should be asking for the upcoming NBA season.

(Two Man Game is a term often used during a basketball telecast. It’s usually a guard working with a “big man” (center, forward) to make a play on offense. This phrase is so popular, commentators use it for women’s basketball too! (Really, they do.) Anyway, I figured that I should give you some background for where the title came from. Anyway, let’s talk some basketball!!!)

1. Did the lockout cause you to lose or gain interest in the NBA?
Mike: I love the NBA. Admittedly I was bitter (mostly at the owners) but it helped me to realize just how much life would suck had there not been a season. If anything, I gained more interest as to how the business of the NBA works.

Jordy: I think it’s a little bit of both. I was fascinated at the level of disrespect that each side seemed to have for each other, and I lamented the fact that I would be stuck with watching college basketball all season (That’s not a fair trade). But this lockout confirmed my belief that no sports league is really out to please fans. There’s no way. Case in point: NBA League Pass allows you to see nearly every game that does not come on national television. The league is playing a shortened season, and coming off a bitter lockout. Guess what? You’ll be paying the same amount for League Pass! The NBA spits in the face and LOLs at your positive press. Sure, I’m still riveted. But it’s definitely with a raised eyebrow this time around.

2. The Clippers have been terrible for 30 years. Does adding Chris Paul really make them relevant (As in, “They’re a contender!”) now?
Mike: On paper, the Clippers look GREAT! But, so did D-Wade, LeBron and Posh Spice, er, Chris Bosh. Yes, they have talent but they have yet to play ball together. Contenders? Not quite yet, I say 2nd round playoffs at best.

Yes, now the Clippers are relevant because of this guy. Really?

Jordy: (Wow, Posh Spice was a low blow!) I hate this question. Of course, I asked it…so whatever. As much as I want to dismiss this question altogether, it was fascinating to see the Clippers on the court (albeit in a preseason game). There are many different ways that they can use Chauncey Billups and Chris Paul together. However, this doesn’t change the fact that…Vinny Del Negro is the coach! So, my answer is still an emphatic “no” until there’s a coaching change.

3. Which teams will benefit the most from the shortened, frenetic season?
Mike: I’d have to say the almighty Celtics (I’m trying not to be biased even though it may seem like it because that’s my team). In all honesty, the team is not old, it’s just the main parts of the engine are a little dated. The lockout helped to get Pierce, KG and Ray a significant amount of rest and time to ready their bodies for another season, albeit a 66 game season. The team already has chemistry but the problem last season was the postseason push after a long, grueling season and losing major components to the team chemistry because of injury. The time away from the court should help them have the required energy to make a final postseason run while these 3 future HOF’ers utilize the last in their drawn out tanks.

Jordy: If I use the NFL lockout as a premise, I would think a team with an established (and proven) system in place. Also, I tend to believe that said team would have something to prove. I present to you…the Miami Heat! I’ll remind you that the Heat had the second best record in the East last season, and were two wins away from winning an NBA championship. With all the LeBron slander that took place during the off-season, I’m almost certain that he’s looking to deliver this year. That entire team has something to prove. Watch out, folks.

4. Which team(s) will suffer the most from the shortened, frenetic season?
Mike: I have to say L.A.’s team…the Clippers (go figure!!). Easy explanation: CP3 signed less than a month before season tip-off, the tremendous amount of attention and pressure brought forth by the media and fans, and absolutely zero time to mesh as a cohesive unit. Thus far, they seem pretty good in the pre-season, but how will it all work out when the games matter?

But wait, L.A.’s other team (yes, I said other), the Lakers, are in a jam because of the shortened season as well. Why? Two words: Mike Brown. He has had zero time to implement his coaching style to format the Lakers. And let’s be honest here, Mike Brown is not the guy L.A. needs. However, he’s the coach and how will he substitute The Zen’s triangle offense and disciplined defensive strategies? All I know is the Lakers will be quite frustrated this season without lack of direction from the coaching staff.

Jordy: I think I’m stealing this from someone, but I’d say…the Rockets. Remember that first Chris Paul trade? Part of it involved the Rockets getting Pau Gasol. Daryl Morey (the GM) had been lining up assets to make a move like that for the past two or three seasons. Now what? I would imagine that they’re a fringe playoff team still, but it never helps when there are three guys on your team that you couldn’t trade…and are still on the team. Another team that might suffer is Orlando. This Dwight Howard mess is going to ruin that team. And it’s not like they had a lot of mental toughness to begin with.

5. What will it take for LeBron to “bounce back” this season?
Mike: Rogaine. Oops, thought I thought I read something about his hairline in that question. Truthfully, LeBron is still someone I would not like to face down the 4th quarter stretch. Yes, he’s had his late game woes as of late, especially in games that are critical, but let’s not forget the tremendous amount of talent this young man possesses. Two-time MVP (back-to-back at that…we could also list a Biblical scroll length of other accomplishments) with a major chip on his shoulder. He’s also a two-time Finals loser…sounds like more than enough motivation to me to finally complete his championship mission.

Jordy: I was about to make a joke about his hairline, but then I looked in the mirror at my own thinning hair and thought better of it. I’m tempted to say things like “a post up game” or “a killer instinct”. But I think the main thing that would help is a defined role. Is he a decoy for Wade? Should he try to play inside and late Wade take the perimeter? Should everyone defer to him since his passing skills are top-notch? One thing that I didn’t take into consideration last year is that all of what the Heat did pretty much happened on the fly. If LeBron knows and accepts his role, then the things we’ve seen him do well can happen at the right time (specifically at the end of the game).

6. Should the Knicks be taken seriously this year?
Mike: Yes. The Knicks have two of the best young players in the league in Carmelo and Amare’ and they have put in work as a unit. The addition of Tyson Chandler helps the Knicks to establish a low post presence and help on the boards for when Melo jacks up shot after shot. Look for the Knicks to be a 2 or 3 seed this season coming out of the East. I believe they are a solid point guard away from Finals talk.

These guys are legit. The rest of the team? Uh...

Jordy: I’d say kind of. Chris Webber mentioned the Knicks as a “sleeper” team in the East. Perhaps he was asleep when the Knicks made the playoffs last year. Sure, Tyson Chandler is a nice addition. But have you seen him ever create his own shot? Also, how many times has the “player who played great in a contract year, then got a large contract” scenario worked out? I think Amare’ and Carmelo are obviously elite players, but I’m not sure if this is the most cohesive unit around. We’ll see how they play with the heightened expectations. I think they’ll finish better than they did last year, but that was probably going to happen anyway.

7. What team are people not talking about, but should be?
Mike: OKC. Look, this is arguably the best young team with the most upside in the league. Durant is a bona fide star fresh off a worldwide tour of basketball destruction during the summer (also my pick for MVP). Westbrook is one of the most athletic guards in the league, he has faults with shot selection and decision-making, but he’s young. Perkins is healthy and a defensive low post presence, and Harden is emerging as a legitimate threat. They’ve got size and athleticism in Ibaka and the Thunder bench is capable of sustaining the game when the starters are resting. They had a great playoff run last season. This team is dangerous. Since no one is talking about them now, then later in the season I will have the last laugh when everyone is.

Jordy: The Chicago Bulls! I think they have the reigning MVP, right? Also, Carlos Boozer hasn’t hurt himself shaving (yet). And they didn’t lose anyone from their rotation. I also remember that they lost in the conference finals. Surely they’re better than the Clippers/Knicks/Celtics/any other team you’ve been hearing about this offseason. I’m not saying that they’re going to win the title, but I do think that they should be taken a lot more seriously than they’re being taken at this point.

8. Finish the sentence: Because of his impending divorce, Kobe Bryant will ___________
Mike: Holler at Kim Kardashian so he can double date with Lamar and Khloe. Kobe will be with Kim for more than 72 days. Kris Humphries is no Kobe Bryant.

Jordy: Win MVP. And probably average 35 points per game.

9. Dallas Mavericks: Flash in the pan, or favorites?
Mike: I was thinking that they were favorites, but with Tyson Chandler and J.J. Barea gone, the Mavs are missing a few sparks. Not to mention, they are a bit aged in comparison to other teams and Father Time just added another year onto their lives. Also with the lockout, I believe it does hinder some momentum from last year’s championship run. Defending their title won’t be easy, in fact it will be even more difficult for them, but I believe they won’t repeat. But they still will fight tooth & nail in playoff series.

That's unity, y'all.

Jordy: By default, I say that they’re the favorites until they lose in the playoffs (or don’t make it). The Game has a line in his song “Game” (so cleverly titled) where he touts the value of Lamar Odom. And he has a point. When Lamar gives a crap, he provides value with scoring, rebounding and passing. Since Barea didn’t play THAT much anyway, and since Tyson Chandler provided an inside presence only, I really think that the Mavericks having Odom balances those losses. Also, this looks like a group that really enjoyed winning it all. I tend to believe that a desire to do it all again is there. So, yes, I think they’re still a favorite.

10. Predictions!
Mike: (And his self-titled “Especially Suspect Predictions”)
MVP-Kevin Durant
ROY-Kyrie Irving
Western Conference champs-Oklahoma City over Dallas in 7 games
Eastern Conference champs-Miami over Chicago in 6 games
NBA champion-Miami over Oklahoma City in 5 games

Ladies and gentlemen, your Rookie of the Year. I think.

Jordy: (Predictions sure to go wrong)
MVP-Kobe Bryant
ROY-Jimmer Fredette
Western champs-Denver over Dallas in 6 games (Tebow magic is everywhere, guys)
Eastern champs-Miami over Boston in 7 games
NBA champion-Miami over Denver in 4 games
(Really, Jordy? Denver?!!!?)

Jordy and Weight Watchers: A Love Story

I know disclaimers are dumb, but so are people. This is going to be a long post. If you were looking for sports talk, you should probably skip this post (It’s okay, I’ll be back at some point with an NBA preview!). I am not a fitness expert, nor am I endorsing Weight Watchers/Nike+/any product I may happen to mention. If you want to get serious about fitness/weight loss, you should talk to your doctor or a paid professional. Make sure you have a plan in place, and that you are taking up a lifestyle change (because that’s what this is) for the right reasons.

Okay, so I’m pretty sure I’ve talked about exercise and body image at some point over the course of having a blog. But I’ve never really put those two things together. (Then again, why would I?) Of course, my idea of a “diet” was drinking a Slim Fast…as a beverage along with a cheeseburger and fries. (How was I supposed to know that it was supposed to be a meal replacement???)

If you checked the link about body image, you know the back back story: I was somewhere around 50 pounds heavier than I am now. I was able to drop the weight, but I’ve always been in a “Well I work out all the time, so I can eat whatever the hell I want!” phase. Even when the number started to climb a little, I thought, “Well, I’ll just run more and cut down on the beer and not eat fast food for a couple of weeks.” Yeah, that didn’t go so well. Sure, my biceps were still bulging, but 180 on a “5’6ish” guy isn’t the best look if said guy isn’t a…running back.

This was me nine weeks ago. RIP, beard.

I knew that I needed to become honest with what I was eating. However, I wasn’t looking to go on a diet. So, I decided to give Weight Watchers a try.* The program “seemed” easy enough: I have a daily number of points for food, and if I was to go over that daily allowance, I had a weekly number of points to use (49, if you dare to care). There are multiple ways to track your progress (from writing it down to using the website to even using the mobile app). Also, the fact that I was already physically active helped. I could gain additional points (to use for food) when I worked out.

The most important part of Weight Watchers has been that I’ve had to become accountable for what I eat. I’m a guy who loves to snack (which makes me like, um, everybody else, I hope). But two cookies or a handful of Chex Mix or chips are usually just going to make me more hungry. Instead of doing that, I opted for fruit (also, no points!). It was rewarding to see that the choices I was making were bringing positive results.

I started Weight Watchers nine weeks ago at 179.6 pounds. My most recent weigh in (this past Tuesday) had me at 163.6. That’s a pretty big drop, right? Not only do I see a noticeable difference, I feel better. I have more endurance for my workouts. I don’t hate eating fruit or vegetables. Even my small jeans are too big. Apparently, each pound of weight you lose drops four pounds of pressure off your knees. I think my old man balky sometimes sore left knee appreciates that. Now, I’m not sure if Weight Watchers is something that is going to work for everyone. But the resources that the program offers can put you in a position to succeed. You’re also around people who can relate to your experience, which is always a plus.

And now I'm jumping for joy! Good thing you don't see the part where I land on my face.

*I went to a personal trainer once, and he told me that while I may think that I can get fit on my own, chances are I won’t be able to. (In a related story, that guy was an asshole) It turns out, that he was somewhat right. I’m a highly motivated person, but it’s taken a lot more than me to get to this point. I cannot take credit for my progress without acknowledging my advantages, like:
-A job with an on-site gym and enthusiastic trainers
-An inner enjoyment of being physically active
-A girlfriend who’s willing to go to the park/neighborhood/apartment gym to work out with you
-Friends who respect (and not condemn) your food and fitness choices
-A job that offers Weight Watchers meetings at work
-Lots of motivation through fitness communities on Twitter/Facebook
Sure, I’ve put in a lot of work. But I’ve had a lot of help. While it’s possible to achieve fitness results on your own, you shouldn’t have to. I don’t think that everyone needs a drill sergeant, but I do think that the more support you have, the better.

So, where do I go from here? (To the buffet!) I think I’m like everyone else when I say that part of me worries about gaining the weight back. But I plan on sticking with Weight Watchers for the foreseeable future, mainly because it’s actually kind of fun to log my eating and physical activity. I’ve got a foundation of healthy habits that I want to keep. Knowing that I have the ability to continue those habits is rewarding on its own, but still worth the challenge.

Feel free to share your stories/experiences with weight loss/working to get more fit below! Have you found a plan that works? Are you looking for ideas/motivation/just a place to vent? Feel free to leave a comment.

The men of the hour: featuring Tim Tebow and Dabo Swinney

I’ve been wanting to write about both of these guys for a while now. So, consider it a double treat.

By popular request, here I am Tebowing for the strength to write this post.

Tim Tebow: Just let it ride, y’all.
I’m pretty sure that I’m a Tebowmaniac. No, I’m not convinced that he can lead the Broncos to the Super Bowl. Frankly, I don’t know if he could lead the Broncos to eight wins. However, I firmly believe that he belongs in the NFL, and this “thing” that he’s currently doing (It’s like snatching victory from the jaws of defeat, but more like actually going down the throat of defeat and yanking victory out of defeat’s esophagus) is working, whether I want to admit that or not. People talk about the “it” factor in sports often (probably too much). Somehow, Tim Tebow has been able to get his teammates, the city, and the most polarizing sports pundit in America to believe in him. That’s remarkable.

You may be surprised to know that Aaron Rodgers has 31 touchdown passes against just four interceptions this year. Or that there are four quarterbacks who have thrown for more than 3000 yards already this season. None of this has really mattered since Tim Tebow has entered the equation. I can honestly admit that his “classic quarterback” pedigree is nearly nonexistent. He’s not an accurate passer. Only Taylor Martinez has a worse throwing motion (probably on the entire planet). As a matter of fact, the reason why he runs so much (and has the 7:1 TD:INT ratio) is because he rarely throws it. Even with his success and popularity, it seems that the Broncos are still hoping to find a front-line quarterback in next year’s draft (Of course, you can’t convince me that John Elway knows what he’s doing yet, Von Miller not withstanding). It’s not fair to mention Tebow’s success without pointing out his shortcomings.

Even with his shortcomings, (and the notion that he did not “earn” the starting QB position in Denver) he is still the most discussed player in the NFL right now. The fascination with Tebow has carried over from college, and because the NFL is so popular, Tebow has infiltrated the mainstream. Peter King shared an email that he got from a guy who overheard two other guys in London arguing about Tebow’s merits as a quarterback. After Thursday night’s game, I posted this on Facebook:

Here’s my thing on Tebow: He’s the outlier. He can’t hit open receivers, his throwing motion looks like a root canal I think, but he makes things happen. No rhyme or reason. BUT WE DON’T NEED ONE. Just let the good, really unbelievable times roll.

I followed that up with this:

People spend so much time talking about how he can’t throw. Or how bad he looks out on the field. Or how they would be offended if they only threw 8 passes in a game (SHUT UP STEVE YOUNG). Sometimes, there are things you can’t explain. I’ve been watching football for 20 years, and I sure as hell can’t explain THIS. So…I won’t. I’ll just watch and spaz out on Twitter when Tebow does what he did in the fourth quarter tonight.

I’m not saying that you should do exactly as I have (though the world would be a better place if you did!) when it comes to Tebow. But whether we like it or not, this Tebow wave will last for as long as he’s in the NFL. Instead of letting it affect your blood pressure, just let. It. Ride.

Dabo Swinney
I’m going to put it on the table, folks: Dabo Swinney is my favorite coach in any sport. Ever. That is pretty delusional coming from someone who roots for the Gamecocks. (But Clemson is our RIVAL, right? Well, “they’ve” beaten “us” almost twice as many times as “we’ve” beaten “them”…so it’s really difficult for me to really have any hatred toward Clemson.) Here’s a little trivia about Dabo: His real name is William Swinney. He got the name “Dabo” from his family because his brother was trying to say “that boy”–but apparently “Dabo” came out instead (and yes, I got that from Wikipedia, so I “know it’s real”).

I’m not sure what the general consensus on Swinney is. Opinions seem to range from “he’s a bumbling idiot who’s nothing more than a glorified cheerleader” to “he’s only good because he has Rob Spence as an offensive coordinator!” Three thoughts here:
1. Swinney majored in business administration at Alabama, and was on the All-SEC Honor Roll team in college.
2. The Tigers were in the ACC conference championship in 2009. It’s not like they suddenly got good.
3. Sure, we’ve seen Happy Dabo. Even more than once. Is this really supposed to be a bad thing?

I’m sold on the guy. This is really cliche, but Clemson really seems to take on the personality of their coach. When they’re playing well, they’re full of energy. It’s almost like they come in an unstoppable wave. At the end of the game, there’s Dabo saying something that will get you fired up (or at least that’s the intent). Maybe I’m just used to Mr. Fidgety I Usually Hate What My Team Is Doing (Steve Spurrier). Maybe I’m easily influenced. Maybe it’s a little of both. Either way, I think it’s time that you should start appreciating him. He’s a breath of fresh air to the tight-lipped coaches that are full of football speak.

(Of course, if this Daboslurp I’m pulling results in a Gamecock victory Saturday, then I’ll do this every year.)

How are Tebow and Dabo related? Well, most of their detractors are convinced that both are all hype. Also, I seem to work myself up in a pretty good lather whenever talking about either individual. Also, they’re white men who have mentioned Jesus in postgame interviews. That’s four things! So, obviously this post makes complete sense! I’m sure that your minds are already made up about either guy. But it’s nice to see another point of view…every few years or so.

What are your thoughts on Tim Tebow? What about Dabo Swinney? Do you think that either person will ever be properly evaluated by fans/journalists/critics?