When all you want is football (Jets-Giants MNF, 1st half)

Posted: August 16, 2010 in Football, NFL, Sports
Tags: , , , , , , ,

As always, the opinions in this blog are only those of the owner. But, let’s just say that this is something you should know by now.

Forget the fact that there was nothing wrong with the stadium in the rear. IT'S AMERICA!! EVERYTHING MUST BE NEW!

What’s better than a preseason Monday Night Football blog en vivo?? That same blog while rolling on pain meds!!! (Kids, don’t try this at home.) I had four wisdom teeth removed earlier today, and I’ve been popping taking medicine to ward off the pain. But I couldn’t possibly resist the first NFL game at the new Nazi Jets/Giants Stadium, now could I? Anyway, we join this game with 6:15 to go in the first quarter.

8:24 pm: Mark “Don’t Call Him Dirty!” Sanchez’s first pass was intercepted by Antrell Rolle (new guy!) and returned a very long way. Hold your “the Jets are going to the Super Bowl!” horses, folks!

8:25 pm: False start penalty on Damien Woody! Drink!

8:27 pm: Ron Jaworski just used the phrase “eye manipulation.” Isn’t that what the vampires do to hypnotize people in True Blood?

8:29 pm: Oh yeah, Brad Smith just scored a touchdown on a quick pass from Dirty. Eff that, I’m calling him Dirty Sanchez. ALL SEASON. 7-7 is the score. In other words, they’re both losing!

8:32 pm: Fireman Ed can afford seats at this new place?

8:34 pm: The word “physical” was just used. Drink! By the way folks, football is physical by nature. Can someone tell the commentators and analysts that?

8:35 pm: Also uttered? “Ball skills.” Drink again! I hope you have a high tolerance if you’re playing this drinking game.

8:37 pm: Punt block! And…the Giants just allowed a TD run by LDT (Although there was a penalty). The G-MEN picking up right where they left off!

8:38 pm: Jaws just used the phrase “explode through the hole.” Drink!

With all the ridiculous jargon uttered by these guys, prepare for many nights of alcohol poisoning.

8:39 pm: Here’s why I nominate Univision for a network to do NFL games: Even when they show commercials for their crappy shows, you wouldn’t know what they were talking about.

8:43 pm: Oh, there was a field goal? 10-7, Jets. Are you counting on me to provide the score?!!?

8:47 pm: Next “toy” that won’t sweep the nation? Paper Jamz.

8:49 pm: Random, yet relevant tweet: “‘Fireman Ed’ is probably the only fireman girls don’t want to see naked.” Courtesy of @ChicagoScott.

8:52 pm: Rex Ryan had lap band surgery, and also gets fined each time he has snacks at training camp. But, he’s still sporting the Ultra Belly. Michelle Obama, could you add Rex Ryan to you “no fat kids” initiative?

8:54 pm: A DirecTV commercial about watching every game, wherever you live! Drink!

8:55 pm: Well, not only did Eli Manning step out of a certain sack to shovel a pass to Ahmad Bradshaw, he rumbled down the field for 51 yards. Once again, hold your “the Jets are going to win the World Cup!” horses!

8:57 pm: Eli Manning with some blood on the head. Quick! Hide the vampires!

8:59 pm: So, @SI_RossTucker tweeted that NFL preseason football is better than World Cup soccer. Hey Ross, SHUT UP. NFL commentators use so much hyperbole. It’s a bit ridiculous.

9:02 pm: Jaws throwing out the world “physical” once again. Drink! Honestly, you may want to keep the bottle nearby.

9:03 pm: Random, yet relevant tweet: “Who wants to bet me that #AntonioCromartie will have more drops than illegitimate kids by the end of this game?” (Courtesy of @jpq1999)

9:05 pm: Jason Pierre Paul may be “raw” in terms of football experience, but damn, the dude can backflip in cleats! Standing still!

9:06 pm: Dirty Sanchez looked…rather clean while rolling out for that completion to Crotchery. By the way, if you’re not watching the game…could you guess the leading receiver for the Jets over the past three years? (Answer coming up)

9:08 pm: Hey guess what, guys? Kinda hard to beat a block from a tight end WHEN YOU’RE BEING HELD. Pierre Paul would like for you to lay off his nuts, please.

9:09 pm: Nick Folk blew some field goals that seemed rather easy to make. But hey, everybody’s has-been trash is treasure to the Jets!

9:13 pm: So you can sue the makers of Accutane if you had to have your colon removed. Can you also sue them if people still call you Crater Face?

9:16 pm: So, Rex Ryan created the Max Zone Overload Blitz? Well, that’s what John Gruden would like for you to think. Or, for me to think. Whatever.

9:17 pm: Tony Dungy says that he wouldn’t hire Rex Ryan since he curses too much. Oh wait, is Tony Dungy affiliated with any team in a decision making capacity?!!?

9:21 pm: Mike Tirico mentioned that teams usually don’t keep their first team offense on the field throughout the first half. Oh yeah, preseason football is TOTALLY better than the World Cup.

9:23 pm: I commend Braylon Edwards for his ability to fit a helmet on, despite his ridiculously awesome beard.

9:27 pm: Frank Gifford looks good for eighty. I could get away with saying that by blaming it on the drugs, right?

9:31 pm: Jason Taylor. Not only an old face in a new place, but a race mixer! Full disclosure: So am I.

9:35 pm: Well, Stuart Scott is on the television. Which is my cue to wrap this up!! I’m not going to last through a second half all hopped up on meds. It’s been fun though! Thanks for reading!

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Comments
  1. zenlizzie says:

    I would like Sanchez on my “sexy team league” for ff. Also, i watched part of this game at the gym, but then I turned it when I realized they were both NY teams. F that!

  2. […] When all you want is football (NFL blog EN VIVO, Week 1) Jump to Comments Football is back! I hope you’re entertained as we whip around the league for Week One of the 91st NFL season. You can find previous live blogs here and here. […]

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