Archive for November, 2010

What’s that? I’m supposed to actually write entries for this blog?!!?

Here’s hoping that everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving. I hope that you got in at least a little exercise, left some room for dessert, and avoided posting disgusting pictures of burnt food for the masses to see. I figured that now is as good a time as ever for the triumphant return of my NFL picks!!! Your boy has been up and down for the past two weeks: 11-3 two weeks ago, then 9-7 last week. I’m going to run through these picks in order to get them out before work, so here goes:

(By the way: went 1-2 for the Thursday games. Eff you, Bengals. Home team in caps)

FALCONS (-2.5) over Packers
The Falcons are great at home. Will ride that plausible theory until they lose a home game. Let me get you salivating for this: NFC Championship—Philadelphia at Atlanta. That Michael Vick guy, with a chance to go to the Super Bowl, going against his former team. OH MY GOD I KNOW I’M ALREADY PUMPED AND IT MIGHT NOT EVEN HAPPEN.

Jaguars (+7.5) over GIANTS
Whatever. I warned y’all about the G Men and their love for turning the ball over. What happened Sunday night? And they are supposed to beat a game Jags team by more than a touchdown? Whatever.

Steelers (-6.5) over BILLS
Well, Ben Rapistburger (courtesy ZenLizzie) won’t be getting in trouble in Orchard Park, that’s for sure.

Panthers (+10.5) over BROWNS
Jake Delhomme beating his former team (or ANY team, for that matter) by double digits?!!? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

REDSKINS (-2.5) over Vikings
I’d be all for the Vikings suddenly rising up and playing like a real team now. But, uh, they lost me when they quit on this coach. Way to man up, you assholes.

TEXANS (-6.5) over Titans
I’d like Tennessee’s chances with Rusty Smith if this were team race car driving and not team football. AND I WATCH NASCAR, SO I CAN MAKE SLIGHTLY RACIST JOKES ABOUT IT.

SEAHAWKS (+1.5) over Chiefs
Todd Haley on the road? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

RAIDERS (-3.5) over Dolphins
The Raiders will finally exact their revenge on Miami for the game where Jay Fiedler put them on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Way back in, gulp, 2001.

BEARS (+3.5) over Eagles
Well hello there, Sports Illustrated Cover Jinx! The Bears appreciate you putting Michael Vick on the cover this week.

BUCS (+7.5) over Ravens
Josh Freeman for Secretary of Czar!

BRONCOS (+3.5) over Rams
Sam Bradford winning at Mile High? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

COLTS (-3.5) over Chargers
What time is this game? Primetime? Pick against the Colts if you dare.

CARDINALS (-1.5) over 49ers
(Insert snarky comment in reference to game that no one really cares about here)

Last Week: 9-7
Season: 83-80

The Lady Last Week: 9-7
Season; 81-82


Getting ahead of the curve

Posted: November 11, 2010 in Uncategorized

No Thanks to the Thursday night games starting, (now through the end of the season) my NFL picks will be broken up. (Translation: You’re probably see less NFL picks posts from me as the season progresses. I’ll say it with you: Le sign.) Anyway, I figured that I’ll do a few games today, (some college games as well) and maybe (just maybe) do a few more tomorrow.

Before I begin however, a special shout out to The Lady. She went 11-2 in picks last week. Had the Jets just decided to play a two-minute offense the entire game, and had the Browns drafted Jimmy Claussen instead of Colt McCoy, she could have gone undefeated. She’s now three games ahead of me with eight weeks left. As I stated before, the loser has to buy dinner for the winner. And no, I still don’t like my chances. Without further ado, here are some Week Ten NFL picks!

(Home team in caps)

FALCONS (-1.5) over Ravens (Thursday night)
I’m not saying that this is why I’m picking them, but who would you take in a fight: a falcon or a raven? I like the Ravens and all, but it’s hard for me to have confidence in the Ravens winning on the road (in a tough environment like the Georgia Dome) four days after playing the Dolphins. Also, if my memory serves me correctly…the Ravens lost the last two indoors games they played (at Minnesota and Indianapolis). Trends are important…sometimes.

BILLS (-2.5) over Lions
Yes, I picked the Bills last week. And it would have worked out. As a matter of fact, it should have.

Not even the return of Shaun Hill will wave my faith in the Bills!

Buffalo scored three touchdowns! Also, they were going in for a touchdown while leading 19-15. Ryan Fitzpatrick then threw a TAINT, and there you have your final score. Yes, I know that Shaun Hill is coming back for this game. But dammit, I LIKE THE BILLS. And, Hill will be wearing a cast. That never ends well.


BROWNS (+3.5) over Jets
Has it really come down to this? I’m picking the Browns over the Jets. What has this come to?!!? You know what, I don’t like the way this looks.

Jets (-3.5) over BROWNS
Rule #1 in sports: GREAT HYPE FALLS HARD! Everybody likes the Browns now. And the Jets have yet to play a truly impressive game this year (I’m not going to count the one at Buffalo). THE TIME IS NOW (generic football quote)!!!

COLTS (-7.5) over Bengals
Personally, I thought the hit on Austin Collie wasn’t “illegal.” But, it was close enough to bring out the flag. I was a nice throw by Peyton?

was also impressed with the way the Colts still battled in that game. The Eagles were clearly the better team, but Indy found a way to hang around when Philly wasn’t able to fully capitalize. And, well, the Bengals are not very good. Although, that’s not really breaking news.


DOLPHINS (+0.5) over Titans
C’mon. Stranger things have happened. This is a classic “Wait a minute, shouldn’t it be cooler? Oh wait, this is South Beach…” game for the Dolphins. While I’m not sure that Chad Pennington should be starting now, he is pretty solid. I think. Aside from the game last week, (and the Monday night game against New England) the Fins have been in every game. They’ve got to win one of these games, right? RIGHT?!!?

BUCS (-7.5) over Panthers
It’s OK, Cowboys fans. Your team is not the worst in the NFL. It’s the Carolina Panthers. “A pathetic, hot mess” is the first thing that came to mind. Our dog, Daisy, refuses to wear the her Panthers bandanna. She’s a dog! She shouldn’t know the difference! If that doesn’t sum up this woeful season, then I don’t know what will.

More picks to come this weekend!

Hi, remember me?

So yes, it’s been a while since I’ve written a long, winding novel about my NFL picks. And, well, it might be a stretch to say that it was missed. Anyway, let’s just say that I’ve been busy. Since I last offered up a bloated NFL picks blog, some things have happened:
-I got accepted into grad school!
-The Panthers won a football game!
-Brett Favre doesn’t like Brad Childress very much!
-The Gamecocks are four wins away from the season pretty much playing out EXACTLY as I predicted.
-John Wall probably made the people at Dancing with the Stars drool with his dance before Tuesday night’s game.
-The San Francisco Giants won the World Series! I’m trying to think…isn’t that the first championship in a while for a team with orange in its color scheme?
-Donovan McNabb is not fit enough to be an NFL quarterback. Here’s the elephant in the room: Maybe he’s just not very good anymore.

So, yes, lots of stuff going on. So my apologies for not writing as much. So to make up for that, I will “attempt” to “reign in” my thoughts on this weeks games, and offer a few “made up lines,” because those are fun. As always, home team in caps!

Bucs (+8.5) over FALCONS
Raheem Morris thinks that Tampa (Geography lesson: Tampa Bay is the body of water. The Buccaneers do not play on the water. They play in the CITY OF TAMPA, FLORIDA) is the best team in the NFC. Well, time to prove his point, I guess! Tampa has some guys who are playing very well (LaGarrette Blount, that other Mike Williams (no, not him, but the other one) come to mind). While I don’t know if they’ll win the game, I’m pretty sure they won’t be losing by more than eight points.

BILLS (+2.5) over Bears
I mean, the Bills can’t go winless the entire season, can they?

Patriots (-4.5) over Browns
Apparently, being a New England Patriot is so amazing, Randy Moss decided talk his way out of Minnesota. If that were the case, why did Logan Mankins decide to spend half the season at home? I didn’t see him having some sort of “Man, I missed these guys, and this organization!” press conference. Anyway, it’s not every day that the team with the best record in the NFL isn’t even a five point favorite against the CLEVELAND BROWNS. I mean, am I missing something here?

Jets (-2.5) over LIONS
Skip Bayless feels that the Lions are going to shock the “Not Yets” (his name, not mine) this Sunday. Then again, Skip also wrote that Troy Aikman was gay. So, you know, I wouldn’t necessarily call Skip an expert on NFL matters. I like what the Lions are doing, yes. But that’s a major leap to go from beating the Redskins to beating the Jets. Besides, the Jets have had their god damn snack. They’re not losing to the Lions.

VIKINGS (-8.5) over Cardinals
Can I say that I feel sorry for Brad Childress? No, seriously. A lot of these things have been his own doing (begging Brett Favre to come back, thinking Randy Moss would be a good idea, continuing to try and grow hair even though it’s not growing on the top—at all). The reason I really have sympathy for Brad is because Brett Favre repeatedly takes shots at him. It’s pretty epic. “As I tell y’all all the time, to have a working relationship, you don’t have to like each other.” Well, Brett, no one likes you (clap clap clapclapclap). So I guess there’s something that Brad and Brett have in common, eh? Too bad the Cardinals are worse than the Vikings. If there’s such a thing.

Saints (-7.5) over PANTHERS
I’ve come to terms with what the Panthers have decided to do: Tank the season. That way, when you jettison the coaching staff and go after a big name, (Bill Cowher or Jon Gruden) you can say, “It’s just time for a change!” Well, some people at the White House can tell you how those promises of change have worked out so far. It’s not like this team was just completely awful on offense last year. Did they just forget how to play? Should I just start drinking right now in order to numb myself once the game starts? How long should I keep my Panthers jersey on for during the game? As you can see, I have too many questions.

RAVENS (-5.5) over Dolphins
As I was flipping channels this morning, I saw Tony Sparano walking up and down the seats at M&T Bank Stadium. In shorts! That’s a man for you. This is actually a dangerous pick, especially considering that the Ravens have been 1-2 ATS (against the spread, and I’m probably using that term wrong anyway) against the AFC East this year. So, OK, I won’t be surprised if the Ravens don’t cover. Wait, on second thought…

Dolphins (+5.5) over RAVENS
Yeah, that sounds more like it.

TEXANS (-1.5) over Chargers
The Chargers are bad on the road. And I’m T-I-RED (courtesy, Michael Irvin) of waiting on the Chargers to just “turn it on!” Make something happen! Or I’m going to start looking for a backup team. By the way, Arian Foster is the top scoring player in ¡La Liga! de TBF. I actually took a look at the scoring leaders in our league, and I happen to have four of the top ten players. This is probably not the tim eto tell you that I’m next to last in the standings. Why am I playing fantasy football again?

SEAHAWKS (-5.5) over Giants
For all this talk about “Who’s better, the Giants or the Jets?” (like you should care), you should note that the Giants have a turnover ratio of minus eight. You should also note that Qwest Field is one tough place to play. Keep those things in mind when the announcers for today’s game seem suddenly shocked when the Giants are playing terribly. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!!! Also, Charlie Whitehurst will have his first career start today. As a Gamecock fan, I’m terrified of Whitehurst; I think he can turn out being quite good.

RAIDERS (-2.5) over Chiefs
The fact that these two teams are at the top of the AFC West standings lets us know that…things have finally come full circle from the 90s. Which is the last time that I think this game had any relevance on the standings. Quick trivia question: What Hall of Fame running back played for both the Raiders and the Chiefs? The answer will be revealed later. No, it will.

Colts (+2.5) over EAGLES
Can someone tell me why Philly is favored in this game? The AFC always beats the NFC. Well, OK, most of the time. I think this will be a good game, but the Eagles have not played well at home in “big” games this year (Green Bay, Washington). I’m thinking that this will continue.

Cowboys (+7.5) over PACKERS
I mean, there’s no way the Cowboys lose the rest of their games this year, right? Maybe I should just leave it at that.

Steelers (-4.5) over BENGALS
I’m confident that the only intrigue in this game will involve Chad Johnson and Terrell Owens consoling each other in strangely uncomfortable ways. Poor Cincinnati fans. They deserve better. But then again, the Reds made the playoffs!! So there is hope for you yet, Queen City.

Last Week: 9-4
Season: 57-60