Just Like They Drew It Up!??! (Wild Card Weekend Picks)

Posted: January 7, 2011 in Fantasy sports, Football, NFL
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

As if this football season could not get any more zany, my brilliant plan to prove that my fiancée (Boom! don’t get to use that much) was better at NFL picks than yours truly…actually worked. Who knew, right?? Even with the “help” of Football Outsiders, Scouts Inc., Bill Simmons, Chad Millman, my Magic 8 ball, and the Football Gods, I still tied The Lady in total picks correct with 123 (Which is an average of, gulp, 7.4 over 17 weeks. We’d win the NFC West, suckas!!). Of course, this revelation makes my mini celebration seem…false. I think The Lady sums it up best:

I’m actually really surprised I’m even writing this, because Jordy had pretty much claimed victory this past weekend. Even though I had bitterly accepted my defeat, I decided to log on to see how bad my loss was. And we were tied!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOM. I know very little about football. I was halfway through high school before I realized that they switched sides of the field that they ran towards. And I was in marching band, so I had to sit through a lot of games. So, yeah. I don’t necessarily think I’ll win, but my mini-victory dance upon tying him provides me with enough satisfaction… for now.

As a result, we are in sudden death (in memory of the simple days of NFL overtime rules) mode. Whoever gets more picks right this week will win the dinner date. If we tie, then…it’s on to the next round. I’m sure the Football Gods want us to be battling up to the Super Bowl in some weird test of our love. Anyway, I’ll give my picks below, with The Lady’s takes right below each of mine (because after all, this is still a man’s world). So, here we go…again!

SEAHAWKS (+10.5) over Saints
Dammit, I’m driving this Seattle bus into the GROUND, (probably) but I’m gonna DRIVE IT. Qwest Field is tough. Yes, the Saints are the defending champs, but haven’t we seen them all have a violent crash and burn at some point? Guess who was second in the league in interceptions thrown this year? Drew Brees! Guess who plays surprisingly well against the big blitz (something the Saints love to do)? Matt Hasselbeck! Honestly, I don’t even consider this an upset. These birds will at least cover.

The Lady’s Take: Saints (-10.5). It’s almost always been my rule to pick against any spread that’s over 10 points, but I’ll go against that this time. I’m not sure how good they are this season, but I think God might still owe New Orleans a big one for the whole Hurricane Katrina thing. Also, if I remember correctly, Frasier’s dad frequently complained about the Seahawks sucking. Obviously, television is the true mirror of reality.

COLTS (-3) over Jets
The “Peyton Playing in Primetime” theory burned me badly when the Colts hosted the Chargers earlier in the season (and with this theme song, how could I ever pick against the Chargers??). But the Colts started stopping the other team from running the ball, and Peyton Manning will “get his.” (What the hell does that mean anyway?) As for the Jets, I’m done with them. I definitely just made this up, but I think that both “New York” (THEY PLAY IN NEW JERSEY) teams will be plagued by the Jersey Shore Curse. As long as that show stays relevant, neither the Giants nor Jets will win a title. Take it to the bank. And, if I’m wrong…uh, don’t take it to the bank.

The Lady’s Take: Jets (+3). Rex Ryan is awesome (foot fetish or no), and they were on a tv show this year, which means they’re cool. I really liked it when he yelled at them for ten minutes, and then suggested they go get snacks. That is the stuff winners are made of, or at least that’s what my dog Daisy would say, if she could talk. Also, the Mannings kind of annoy me. Ever since NPR did a story about some children’s book they all wrote, they just seem “holier than thou” to me.

Ravens (-2.5) over CHIEFS
I really went back and forth here. As much as I thought that KAN-SAS City(!!) had a great chance to win this game, (they average nearly a yard more per rush than the Ravens) I realized:
1. The Chiefs looked really bad Sunday.
2. Todd Haley is, um, not the “best” coach (maybe just the opinion of one…but whatever)
3. Have you checked the recent (there’s not much, but still) playoff history of the Chiefs? Not good!
I also have an affinity for teams that wear black pants. The Ravens do that for all their road games. Say what you want, but it’s important to try to look good when you’re on the field. At least that’s what I tell myself. And, uh, I don’t actually play on the field. Once again, great insight from yours truly!!!

The Lady’s Take: Ravens (-2.5). I have no clue, but naming a team the Chiefs sounds kind of racist. Ravens are cool I guess.

Packers (+2.5) over EAGLES
So, Andy Reid trades away Donovan McNabb, throws Kevin Kolb (the heir apparent) under the proverbial bus, and Vick Doggy Dogg is the guy that leads Philly to a title? I mean, really? I just can’t accept this fate!!! I

No matter what he does, this will be my endearing image of Andy Reid

don’t really believe in the Packers. However, I think they’re better than the Eagles. And, um, that’s what matters, right? The Philly fans will check out as soon as the Eagles even show a hint of looking tight. And they have a really good team! And someone wrote that this Michael Vick Experience just could not actually end well. I think he really needs to be right about something. But hey, what do I know?

The Lady’s Take: EAGLES (-2.5). I’ve heard Michael Vick’s name dropped a lot. And I’m pretty sure Barack Obama said something about him, or at least that’s what the Yahoo! news headline looked like. I didn’t actually read the story.

So, there you have it. It’s obvious that we have very different views, so this picks challenge will finally get to the climax this weekend. It’s been a lot of fun pretending to actually offer insight on the NFL in picking these games, and even if I win or lose, I’m committing to offering plenty of commentary throughout the playoffs. OK, I hope to offer commentary.

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