The “We need some HELP out here!” NFL Conference Championship Preview!!??!!

Posted: January 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

OK, so I could probably use a shorter title.

This NFL playoff season has me way too flummoxed. And yes, that’s probably not even the right word. But hey, if Snooki can have an NYT best-seller, then I can butcher the English language throughout this entirety post!! (see, that wasn’t so bad) Anyway, I foolishly went with the home teams during last weekend’s games, which really can’t be that much of a surprise (from me) when you consider the fact that I’ve predicted consecutive 10-2 seasons for the Gamecock football team.

And oh by the way, I’m still somehow tied with my fiancee in this NFL pick challenge. She somehow shrewdly took the Jets at the 11th hour (what does that even mean), meaning that…well, hell, I don’t know what it means. We’re tied. So in an effort to break this gridlock, I really have been all over the map in trying to find something that will stick out about each game. And of course, I found nothing. The entire world is so certain of a Steelers-Packers Super Bowl (although I’m sadly looking forward to people saying “Stillers” for two weeks). Of course, this plays into my number one theory about sports: GREAT HYPE FALLS HARD!!!!

BEARS (+3.5) over Packers
Let me go ahead and just throw it out there: Should the Packers win this game, I’m going to sell out emphatically and adopt them as a favorite team of mine. I won’t even feel bad about it. They do have the hot

Rodgers is pointing the Packers toward a Super Bowl. This is what they called "writing to picture." I think.

QB and a receiver who may have been named after yours truly. They’re also publicly owned, and one of the most recognized franchises in all of sports. So, I would be pretty excited about getting on that bandwagon.

There’s one problem here: I don’t think they’re going to win this game. While this post is supposed to be more about the spread than the actual winner, I do actually think the Bears will win. (Now, even if the game is 23-21, or 24-21 Green Bay, I’m still good!) The Packers struggle on special teams (If you do a Google search for “big Patriot lineman almost running a kickoff for a touchdown,” I’m almost certain that the Packers

Yeeeaaaaa I got out of crappy Charlotte just in time to look like a winner on the Bears!

will be involved) and have thrown some clunkers in this year (a 7-3 loss to…the Lions?). Also, the Bears(!!) made a Super Bowl with Rex Grossman!!!!!!! REX GROSSMAN. The same guy who inspired this, um, personal journal. Jay Cutler is better than that, right? I’m not going to try and throw in a desperate “SEC vs. Pac-10” QB argument, (Cutler went to Vandy; Rodgers is from Cal) but I will throw in a shameless tweet (or seven) about that fact if things are going the way I think they will Sunday.

What you want to say is:Really? The Bears(!)?? Did you see how the Packers mauled the Falcons? And how Jay Cutler almost threw a pick near the end zone?!!? Aaron Rodgers is the next greatest QB to walk the face of the earth? YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO GO WITH THE BETTER QUARTERBACK!!

My response to that argument is:I don’t really have one. But then again…dare I use the example of Super Bowl 44? Wouldn’t most people have taken Peyton Manning over Drew Brees? Can someone remind me how that game turned out?

Not that this will be right, but I’m still going to give a score:Bears 30, Packers 28

Jets (+3) over STEELERS
Two things:
1. You may be familiar with the fact that the Jets were featured on HBO’s Hard Knocks during training camp. Their mantra was to “win every fucking game.” So OK, that didn’t happen. But that’s the goal you must have. Seriously, why are you playing if you’re not trying to win each time? (You can question in-game coaching decisions when it comes to trying to win each one, but then you’re just getting cute) The Jets have

Can we just all go ahead and agree that Sex Ryan is a top five coach in the league now?

been in the business to win the Super Bowl. Obviously, that may be the goal of many teams in the NFL, but they are the only team that is comfortable with being open about it. I really think that having a championship mentality can be nothing but a good thing.

2. You may also be familiar with Ben Roethlisberger’s…um, exploits. Yes, I know that he has been punished by the NFL, and he was never found guilty of any of the accusations against him. I’m not really here to talk about that. Here’s my beef: Given his history, is fate really OK with giving the Super Bowl to the Steelers when their QB who was twice accused of sexual assault has a super creepy beard? Is that petty? Absolutely. But when you’ve looked at all the stats, history, and gotten alcohol poisoning from taking a drink each time someone uses the word “physical” during a football game, you have to look at the little things. This very little thing matters.

What you want to say is:HOW DARE YOU PICK AGAINST THE STEELERS!!! THEY ARE THE GREATEST FRANCHISE IN THE HISTORY OF THIS EARTH. SIX TIME SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS, THIS WILL BE NUMBER SEVEN WON BY QB #7!!! THIS MAKES ME ANGRY THAT ANYONE WOULD EVER PICK AGAINST MY FOOTBALL TEAM!!!

My response to that would be:Hey bro, lay off the Five Hour Energy. I know that I typed up a bunch of hyperbole about the Jets having a “winning mentality,” and the Steelers being doomed by Big Ben’s beard, but this game also falls under the “great hype falls hard!” theory. Seriously, that’s really what this comes down to for me. Too many people are way too excited about a Packers-Steelers Super Bowl. As great as this would be, there’s still one more game to play before that.

Not that this will be right, but I’ll give a score anyway:Jets 24, Steelers 20

We will be back next week with a look back at all of the dumb stuff I said about the NFL this season. Also, the annual “I Played The Super Bowl on Madden, So I Know Who Will Win FOR SURE” moment will probably warrant its own post. Enjoy the games!

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Comments
  1. Eunice says:

    I gotta say, Jordy. I’m really disappointed by the sudden shift in your loyalties.

    I predict a Bears-Stillers Superbowl. If I’m right, I expect a tweet expressing your love and support for the Stillers. Deal?

    • tbfiles says:

      OK, we “have a deal.” For what it’s worth, this was tough. I really admire the Steelers as a whole, and I’m probably creepily favorable of black head coaches. And the Super Bowl needs some new juice!!! Not that the Jets are new…but whatever.

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