When all you want is basketball!!!

Posted: April 4, 2011 in Basketball, NCAA, Sports
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

OK, so it’s been quite a while since I’ve done a live blog for anything. And, since there’s a relatively important basketball game on tonight, why not get back into the groove tonight? It’s Butler vs. Connecticut for the men’s national championship. Folks, get your coffee ready!! (It’s 10:30 pm Eastern as I type this)

10:30 pm: We are LIVE at the Two Fifths ManZone! It’s the beginning of the second half, and Butler leads 22-19. I’m not going to even be nice about it—this game has been really stupidly awful and boring.

10:31 pm: Here’s the most compelling thing I’ve noticed during this game: the Astrodome is still up! Yeah, some championship game.

10:33 pm: Meanwhile, if I told you six months ago that Snooki would be mentioned as a featured participant in Wrestlemania before they mentioned…you know, any of the actual wrestlers, you’d think the WWE was really in trouble, right?

10:34 pm: Jim Nantz decided to mention the Adam Vinateri field goal that beat the Carolina Panthers in the Super Bowl eight years ago. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go take three shots of peroxide.

10:35 pm: Pretend acutal analysis–You would think that Butler had the edge anyway, being that they were actually in the championship game last year. Maybe that’s just me.

10:38 pm: Wait a minute, both teams are executing on offense. This can’t be happening!!!

10:39 pm: Actual message from my fiancee after telling her the halftime score: Are the Bobcats and Clippers playing? (So, for those of you complaining about a lack of offense, it really could be worse)

10:40 pm: In my Sports Drinking Game, Clark Kellogg would get you messed up. He used “length” and “penetration” in the same sentence. Double drank!

10:42 pm: Kemba Walker turns 21 on May 8. He also graduates that day (done in 3 years!). It’s also Mother’s Day. So, make sure you take some shots for Kemba!!!

10:44 pm: Random, yet relevant tweet: “Butler is 1 for 17 on 2-point shots right now.” (via @TimColishaw)

10:46 pm: Clark Kellogg says “I don’t think the games been poorly played, I just think the shot making has been bad.” So basically, both teams are failing spectacularly at the premise of basketball, but that’s irrelevant, according to Clark.

10:49 pm: I love the obligatory shot of the white players on the bench being super giddy. Gets me every time.

10:49 pm: Meanwhile, there’s a pasty white wrestler with red hair that I’m supposed to take seriously. And guys, I mean pasty.

10:53 pm: I like Butler’s story and all, but UConn has the best two players on the court. This will seem irrelevant after the fact, but there’s no way they’re losing this game.

10:55 pm: “The dogfight continues…in Houston,” says Jim Nantz. Come to think of it, a team of actual bulldogs vs. huskies playing basketball would be compelling, no?

10:56 pm: Help me out here, y’all. On what planet would Vin Diesel beat up The Rock in a fist fight? I know I’m suspending reality, but, uh…

10:57 pm: Oh wait, was I not supposed to pay attention to the commercials during these games?

10:59 pm: Score update! UConn ahead 35-28, 11:38 left. Now, Butler was down by more with less time remaining in the Elite Eight. Wanted to get that in for dramatic effect. Just in case.

11:00 pm: Meanwhile, are we not throwing out the steroids question with John Cena? Really?

11:01 pm: Oh! A beautiful move…by Kemba Walker! (in my Marv Albert voice) And after thinking about it, the move was kinda ugly.

11:02 pm: Another troubling wrestling sign: The current champion goes by the name of a character he created on the Real World.

11:04 pm: I don’t know who switched out my Powerade for Hatorade, but The Rock’s arms are noticeably bigger. He hasn’t wrassled in a while, ya know. Uh…

11:05 pm: Butler has made 1 of its last 21 shots. Steve Kerr also thinks they’re in “We don’t know what to do” mode. They’re also down by 11 points with under seven minutes to go. Enjoy those Butler championship tees, kids in Africa!

11:10 pm: Clark Kellogg says that Butler is missing shots that they should be making. Of course, that’s usually the case for anyone who has ever played basketball.

11:11 pm: Meanwhile, I’m worried that John Cena and The Rock are about to make love in the middle of the ring.

11:13 pm: So The Rock and Cena agreed to face each other. At…the next Wrestlemania? Did someone get their lines wrong?

11:14 pm: Butler with another three! Only down 11.

11:17 pm: In equal opportunity news, the women’s national championship will feature Texas A&M and Notre Dame. If you’re betting, go with God (and Notre Dame)

11:18 pm: Also, instead of mentioning that it took her 37 shots to get 36 points, the commentators decided to focus on how much of a winner Maya Moore was during her career, and how her legacy will be intact. Because, you know, we’ll care about Maya Moore in three years.

11:21 pm: Butler is shooting 19 percent tonight. Isn’t that the percentage of Americans who believe that Obama isn’t an American (or is a Muslim, or both)?

11:22 pm: Oh boy, Lamb with a three. Butler only down eight!!!

11:23 pm: Random, yet relevant tweet: “The question remaining- does the yawnstipating nature of this game throw Nantz off for his final call?” (via @AroundTheHorn)

11:24 pm: OK, Jim Nantz. Let’s be honest: It’s easy to “find paradise in Houston” when the other team shoots 19 percent. I’m just sayin.

11:26 pm: Those bangs to bring out the streamers and confetti were a bit scary. The Huskies are the top dog, says Jim Nantz. He even threw out a “best in show” line. I think he’s trying to see if anyone’s still awake.

11:30 pm: Final score: UConn 53, Butler 41. By the way, ESPN’s front page has a link stating that Andrew Bynum is on an MVP-like stretch right now. Whoa. Whoa. WHOA.

11:31 pm: Congratulations to UConn. These guys are right, no one will care what the score was. The Huskies have won about 329 games in a row. It’s always fun when your team wins. Too bad I don’t know any UConn fans…

11:33 pm: OK, to wrap it up for tonight, here’s another random, yet relevant tweet: “who is Halls Berry RT @DickieV: It was not pretty but to UCONN it looked like Halls Berry!” (via @spacemnkymafia

11:37 pm: Thanks for reading tonight. Yes, this game was pretty awful. And, for the fourth year in a row, I lost to my fiancee in our bracket challenge. But hey, we’re not supposed to know what happens, right? I won’t try to give some sort of poetic summary about the college basketball season, because that’s not what you came here for. I do want to mention again that Kemba Walker is graduating in three years. Congratulations to him for that. Because, uh, “student” comes before “athlete” in the word—whatever. You get it. Good night!!!

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Comments
  1. Sarah says:

    Entertaining read. Although, I’m going to have to throw out a little fact checking here. You somehow failed to mention that, not only did I beat you in the bracket challenge, but I had two brackets, both of which beat yours. 🙂

  2. zenlizzie says:

    The fact that wrestling exists on TV at all makes me angry for no real reason. Like I’m slightly annoyed whenever I see it.
    I think wrestling, golf, tennis, should have their own channels for the 1% of people who want to watch (like the history channel or Soap network).

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