Archive for May, 2011

Leave it to Sam Adams to get me in the mood to write!

So, you may have read and LOLed at my attempt to document Game 4 of the Western Conference Finals. Of course, had I done a live blog for the Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals, things would have gone the same way. Whatever, I’m not supposed to know what happens, right?

The title of this post is actually from a song by Jack White, Danger Mouse, Dick Bavetta, Miley Cryus and John Boehner (well, not the Miami Heat part, but I hope you got that already). In the song, Jack says “lonely” about 5629 times. And honestly, that’s what it feels like to be a “supporter” of the Heat. Hell, it’s probably what it feels like to play for the Heat. They’re the little bad bullies who decided to play together, and that’s just not right! Even yours truly felt obligated to write a few words on the subject back when the Heatles came together.

But what if we’re all wrong? After all, winning is the only thing, right? Yes, I understand that the Mavericks are the other team playing in the NBA Finals. I also understand that Dirk Nowitzki (pronounce the w like a v or I will punch your lights out) is playing so well, ESPN feels the need to bring out the obligatory comparison to Larry Bird (although, calling that obligatory is a bit racist, no?). But this entire season has been about the Miami Heat? Ask yourself this question: Do the Milwaukee Bucks have an ESPN website dedicated to them? Jesuslord, (courtesy MMM) Brian Windhorst left the Cleveland Plain Dealer to write for that site!! Even though people took delight in every Heat slip up, laughed when they cried, they may turn out to be exactly who THEY thought they were. LeBron foolishly talked about winning 5011 championships (which would, in fact, be a record) during that wacky/overdone/pretty stupid pep rally. But hey, should they win this year, that only gives them 5010 to achieve their lofty goal!!

Now, for those of you that are rooting against the Heat, I’d like to know a few things:
1. Why you mad?
2. No, really. Why you mad?
3. Are you rooting against the Heat because you’re mad about the way the team was put together?
4. If your answer to #3 is yes, um…why you mad?
5. If LeBron > Dirk and Wade > Dirk…uh, well, I don’t have to finish this question, do I?
6. Doesn’t Rick Carlisle just look sick? (Bonus question that is completely irrelevant)
7. So, if someone was rooting against you to succeed in life, how would you feel? Because, that’s what you’re doing. You know that, right?
While I am happy for the Mavericks, (I love their arena, you really are on top of the action, it seems) this series is all about Miami. Should they lose (and, no, they won’t, so don’t worry about it) to Dallas, the story will be Miami’s failure, not Dallas’s triumph. Should they win, the story will somehow be made into how players will just join together for a title. And, well, that’s the easy way out. If you took the time to maybe, I dunno, watch the playoffs this year, you will see the Heat coming back like a wave in Game 5 of the Conference Finals. They’ve lost three games all postseason. Guess what? That’s the best record so far. LeBron James was so badass in the Conference Finals that Joe Posnanski felt the need to compare it to Jordan’s fifth title (Jesuslord, ain’t that picture just scary?). The Mavericks have Dirk, yes. But, beyond that? Well, there is a guy with an Abe Lincoln tattoo on his neck…

So, just get with the program, y’all. This series, and season in general, is all about the Miami Heat. I’d love to say that they’ll sweep Dallas. Whatever, I’ll say that. I’ll say that they’ll definitely win it. So, maybe they can have the celebration on South Beach, so LeBron’s declaration (where he was taking his talents there) won’t look….too stupid. This season has to end this way. If you’re not OK with that, don’t worry! There’s going to be an ugly lockout soon afterward, so you probably won’t see a repeat!

So, in other news, I officially moved to Wilmington! I may or may not be living out of a suitcase right now, so that means one thing: IT’S TIME FOR ANOTHER SPORTS LIVE BLOG! I have yet to do one for an NBA game, so here goes nothing. Thanks for daring to read the Welcome to Wilmington Western Conference Finals Game Four Blog EN VIVO!!

Awww, two superstars going toe to toe!

A whole hell of a lot of storylines here in Oklahoma City tonight. Are the Mavericks really about to put the foot on the gas tonight? How many times will ESPN bring up Russell Westbrook’s decision-making? How many times will someone utter the words “penetration” or “penetrate”? Will more than five people read this post? Gonna be a long night, kids…so STRAP IN AND WATCH ME BRING IT!

9:02 pm: And we are LIVE in a hotel room! This post is going to be about as sleazy as I get, I think. I wonder if John Hollinger has a stat for Hair Gel Usage Rate. Scotty Brooks has to be a league leader, no?

9:04 pm: “These crazed fans…” says Mike Breen. I mean, this is Oklahoma. Are there normal people in that state, even?

9:06 pm: Sadly, I feel obligated to talk about Russell Westbrook: I wish people would shut the hell up about Russell Westbrook. Even Magic Johnson talked about how he should pass first, then praised him for driving to the basket repeatedly only one minute later. I’d rather peel my skin off my body than hear about this Westbrook crap.

9:08 pm: The Thunder have an early 6-2 lead, the Mavericks promptly turn the ball over. Mike Breen felt obligated to say that he shouldn’t say that this is a perfect start for OKC. Um, what?

9:11 pm: Somebody in the truck forgot that the game had started again, forcing Breen to stop mid-promo to get excited about a Westbrook fast break dunk. It’s OK, this game is happening too fast for me, too!

9:12 pm: Random, yet relevant tweet: “so, thunder looks great…but the mavs have missed three shots within one foot. this’ll even up soon, i reckon.” (via @bomani_jones)

9:14 pm: This fast start by OKC might mean that Rick Carlisle burns all his timeouts early. Which will make the end of the game shorter. I’m very OK with this.

9:17 pm: In an unrelated story, I am completely obliterating the bandwidth available for the wireless at this hotel. Live blogging + TweetDeck + downloading three albums. I’m busting a data cap in somebody’s ass. I think.

9:18 pm: Yes, Kevin Durant should have to say complete sentences while on the basketball court, in the middle of a possession. That makes complete sense!

9:19 pm: The Kendrick Perkins Stank Face is really taken to another level with the sweat dripping down his chin. It’s a level of ugly not many could achieve. Congrats, Perk!

9:22 pm: I know Peja Stojakavic did not just drive to the hoop for a layup. That’s penetration, homes. And, as I type this…he drove for a floater in the lane. What?!!?

9:24 pm: Rick Carlisle seems to be invoking his inner Andy Reid with these timeouts. Whatever.

9:27 pm: OK, so those commercials with the players reminiscing with the basketball are pretty good. Even though they are talking to a damn basketball.

9:30 pm: James Harden must have heard the announcers waxing poetic about him, since he just had two silly plays.

9:33 pm: Just as I was about to mention that the Mavs were still lurking…Nick Collison just overpowered two of them for a putback of his own miss. Le sigh.

9:34 pm: I don’t wish to change the subject, but you do know that Dirk thinks of David Hasselhoff when he shoots free throws, right?

9:37 pm: So, after the first quarter, the Thunder are up nine. Even though it feels like they should be up by 48. Yeah, I’m just saying that. Sort of.

9:40 pm: “…dribble penetration occurs,” says Mark Jackson. Drink! Also, is there a reason why Jackson has to say the word “basketball” each time? Just seems odd.

9:44 pm: OK, that was a pretty sweet move by James Harden. And a silky smooth three by Dirk. NOW WE’RE PLAYING SOME DAMN BASKETBALL.

9:47 pm: Obviously, Denny’s wants us all dead. But, bacon meatloaf? That seems worth the artery clog + cholesterol jump!

9:49 pm: So, Joakim Noah says a gay slur, then says “People who know me know that I’m not like that.” As in, not a person who says that stuff, or that he’s not gay? And am I the only person who asked this question?

9:56 pm: Now we’re about 15 minutes into this conversation about appropriate language. I GET IT, Y’ALL. IT WAS BAD.

9:58 pm: Quick question: How old is Jason Terry? Yes, I am about to answer my own question…he’s 33. He only looks…39. Not that bad!

10 pm: Dirk with some silky, herky jerky moves to bring the Mavs within five. Hold on, crazed OKC fans!!!

10:06 pm: Doesn’t it feel like Dallas has this game in hand? I know, it sounds crazy. But still.

10:07 pm: Apparently, a requirement for being a “crazed fan” is to not know the definition of a foul. C’mon, Thunder fans!

10:08 pm: Let’s go ahead and add “Whenever there’s a close up of the Kendrick Perkins Stank Face” to the Sports Drinking Game.

10:10 pm: Another random thought…when you think of actual thunder, do you imagine the color scheme that OKC is wearing? If you answer yes, then maybe you are an alien.

10:13 pm: So, we’re at halftime. The Thunder are playing well, but the Mavs are lurking….59-54. Let’s hope I don’t fall asleep during halftime.

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10:30 pm: Forgot this game was in 3D. I say that because it took me two hours to realize that James Harden’s beard would be spectacular in 3D…

10:32 pm: Is there a reason that Mark Jackson has to throw out so many cliches?

10:34 pm: Whatever Shawn Marion just did during that post up, he should never, ever do again. They should even jail him for thinking about it, actually.

10:36 pm: I need to stop watching Mavs games before Dirk Nowitzki becomes my favorite player in the NBA.

10:40 pm: So, who hit DeShawn Stevenson in the man area? Seemed like he embellished that one a little.

10:43 pm: In a related story, this game is getting a little out of hand. OKC is suddenly up by nine out of nowhere.

10:49 pm: Sweet Jesus, that was a sensational pass by Russell Westbrook. Not to be outdone, J Kidd does the same for Dallas on the following possession. Dallas bringing it back to a six point deficit.

10:55 pm: True story: I kinda stopped paying attention to the game. But I’m back on it now!

11:01 pm: Well, well well. Guess who’s only down by four now? No, it’s not the Lakers (too soon?). Maybe this fourth quarter would be juicy.

11:06 pm: Do you really think that the Thunder will hold their composure in this pressure cooker that is the fourth quarter? I’m going with a Whitney Houston “hell to the nah!”

11:09 pm: Of course, just as I type that…OKC goes up by nine. I’m not supposed to know the outcome anyway, right?

11:15 pm: I’m not sure that Eric Maynor is supposed to pull a Russell Westbrook…ever.

11:17 pm: OKC officially up by more points than minutes left in the game. So, essentially this game is over.

11:19 pm: Seven dimes for Westbrook. They haven’t mentioned his turnover count. Thank the Lord.

11:21 pm: OK, with a 12 point lead and six minutes left in the game, I am waving the white towel. Nice response by the Thunder. Curious virtual no show by Dirk in the second half. Oh well, I suppose there will be about 300 mentions on how Game 5 will be pivotal. Then again, every playoff game is pivotal, no? Thanks for reading!