The Miami Heat—The Rose with the Broken Neck

Posted: May 29, 2011 in Basketball, NBA, Playoffs, Sports
Tags: , , , , , ,

Leave it to Sam Adams to get me in the mood to write!

So, you may have read and LOLed at my attempt to document Game 4 of the Western Conference Finals. Of course, had I done a live blog for the Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals, things would have gone the same way. Whatever, I’m not supposed to know what happens, right?

The title of this post is actually from a song by Jack White, Danger Mouse, Dick Bavetta, Miley Cryus and John Boehner (well, not the Miami Heat part, but I hope you got that already). In the song, Jack says “lonely” about 5629 times. And honestly, that’s what it feels like to be a “supporter” of the Heat. Hell, it’s probably what it feels like to play for the Heat. They’re the little bad bullies who decided to play together, and that’s just not right! Even yours truly felt obligated to write a few words on the subject back when the Heatles came together.

But what if we’re all wrong? After all, winning is the only thing, right? Yes, I understand that the Mavericks are the other team playing in the NBA Finals. I also understand that Dirk Nowitzki (pronounce the w like a v or I will punch your lights out) is playing so well, ESPN feels the need to bring out the obligatory comparison to Larry Bird (although, calling that obligatory is a bit racist, no?). But this entire season has been about the Miami Heat? Ask yourself this question: Do the Milwaukee Bucks have an ESPN website dedicated to them? Jesuslord, (courtesy MMM) Brian Windhorst left the Cleveland Plain Dealer to write for that site!! Even though people took delight in every Heat slip up, laughed when they cried, they may turn out to be exactly who THEY thought they were. LeBron foolishly talked about winning 5011 championships (which would, in fact, be a record) during that wacky/overdone/pretty stupid pep rally. But hey, should they win this year, that only gives them 5010 to achieve their lofty goal!!

Now, for those of you that are rooting against the Heat, I’d like to know a few things:
1. Why you mad?
2. No, really. Why you mad?
3. Are you rooting against the Heat because you’re mad about the way the team was put together?
4. If your answer to #3 is yes, um…why you mad?
5. If LeBron > Dirk and Wade > Dirk…uh, well, I don’t have to finish this question, do I?
6. Doesn’t Rick Carlisle just look sick? (Bonus question that is completely irrelevant)
7. So, if someone was rooting against you to succeed in life, how would you feel? Because, that’s what you’re doing. You know that, right?
While I am happy for the Mavericks, (I love their arena, you really are on top of the action, it seems) this series is all about Miami. Should they lose (and, no, they won’t, so don’t worry about it) to Dallas, the story will be Miami’s failure, not Dallas’s triumph. Should they win, the story will somehow be made into how players will just join together for a title. And, well, that’s the easy way out. If you took the time to maybe, I dunno, watch the playoffs this year, you will see the Heat coming back like a wave in Game 5 of the Conference Finals. They’ve lost three games all postseason. Guess what? That’s the best record so far. LeBron James was so badass in the Conference Finals that Joe Posnanski felt the need to compare it to Jordan’s fifth title (Jesuslord, ain’t that picture just scary?). The Mavericks have Dirk, yes. But, beyond that? Well, there is a guy with an Abe Lincoln tattoo on his neck…

So, just get with the program, y’all. This series, and season in general, is all about the Miami Heat. I’d love to say that they’ll sweep Dallas. Whatever, I’ll say that. I’ll say that they’ll definitely win it. So, maybe they can have the celebration on South Beach, so LeBron’s declaration (where he was taking his talents there) won’t look….too stupid. This season has to end this way. If you’re not OK with that, don’t worry! There’s going to be an ugly lockout soon afterward, so you probably won’t see a repeat!


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