The Lots of Random Words About Football NFL Preview (AFC East)!!!

Posted: August 22, 2011 in Football, NFL, Sports

As you may have already realized, I like long titles. Anyway, the 91st NFL season is right around the corner. That’s right, 91 seasons!!! The National Football League has been around almost long enough to become a revered South Carolina senator. Anyway, since the season is coming up, I figured that I would give my unfiltered, void of any real research thoughts on every team. Because that’s probably going to be a lot of words, I might as well break them up by division, right? Today, we’re rocking with the AFC East. Enjoy, mutha’uckas!

(Not listed in expected order of finish, because..frankly, I could care less how this division shakes out)

Miami Dolphins
I mean, this team is up there for most poorly run, right? Flash back to the end of last season. Stephen Ross tried hard to get Tony Sporano out of town (Let’s be honest, he seems to be a pretty crappy coach). He went after Jim Harbaugh, Jon Gruden, hell–I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to place a call to Christine O’Donnell (ANYBODY but Sporano, right?). When that didn’t work out, Ross tried to make nice and have a press conference to announce that Sporano would remain the coach. Only thing is…Tony wanted no part of that (good for you, man!). Anyway, when your QB’s feelings are hurt because he’s getting booed, and your coach wouldn’t outright say that the team wouldn’t consider Brett Favre as an option, and when Serena Williams is part owner of your football team…well, that’s just dumb. Anyway, hard to like their chances with Henne at quarterback, playing in that dump in Miami Gardens, and, well, having a retarded dolphin as their logo. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

New York Jets
I know that Rex Ryan is an easy joke topic, but the man gets results, right? Two consecutive conference championship games. Undoubtedly running his mouth and (mostly) backing it up. Have any of the moves made since he’s been in town backfired (drafting Sanchez, LDT, Shon Greene, Cromartie, hell—even Jason Taylor made a relevant tackle or two)? His motto has been to win every game, which—well, it makes a hell of a lot of sense. Anyway, it’s hard to tell if it’s cool or uncool to be pro-Jets. But, when have they ever been consistently good? When did they ever have an era of success like New England/Indianapolis? While I’m not big on Plaxseed Oil as a relevant addition, it’s not like they lost anything relevant.

Buffalo Bills
Hey, those uniforms sure are pretty!!! That’s about as good as it gets for Buffalo. Also, I went to the game when the Panthers hosted Buffalo, and I liked the tenacity of their fans. See? TWO NICE THINGS!!! Anyway, the owner of the Bills is 943 years old, and they actually play a regular season game in Canada as a way to generate revenue. This is a franchise that is stuck in the past. I wonder if they think, “Well hey, we used to be good, so our old-time fans will always remember that, right?” Having Chan Gailey as your coach is a great idea…if he actually had a proven track record as a head coach (I do like the guy as a…guy. So that makes it three nice things, right?). Also, the Bills released/traded two guys that they made a major investment in—Aaron Maybin (0 sacks in two years, just as many as my mom had!) and Lee Evans. Stranger things have happened, I know. But the Bills as a legitimate playoff contender? Yeah, that would be a bit outrageous.

New England Patriots
Was last year a success for New England? 14-2, blowing out people with regularity at the end of the year, an MVP award for Tom Brady, all in a year that the team was supposed to be rebuilding.

But did you WATCH that playoff game vs. the Jets?

It wasn’t pretty. The Patriots were outplayed by a lot. Was that just a bad game? What about the previous year vs. Baltimore? Are we supposed to pretend that those games didn’t happen? Also, should I just assume that Chad Johnson and Albert Haynesworth will just fit in and actually improve the team? I know that the conventional thought is “yes”, but I really don’t have a lot of confidence about it. Of course, they’ve been playing at a pretty high level for the past 9 or ten years. It would have to stop at some point, right?

Thanks for reading! Be sure to check back up until the start of the NFL season as I babble about each team in the league. Hopefully I’ll have another one of these up by the end of the week.

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