When all you want is football (NFL Kickoff Blog EN VIVO)

Posted: September 8, 2011 in Football, NFL, Sports
Tags: , , , ,

It’s the start of another NFL season. OF COURSE I’M DOING A DAMN LIVE BLOG TONIGHT!!! You know the drill. We go on all game, with a little bit of college (Oklahoma State-Arizona), tennis, (US Open) baseball, (Mets-Braves) and maybe even some Jersey Shore. So, sit tight and enjoy, fools!

Brees! Rodgers! It's the NFL on NBC!!

8:42 pm: And we are ¡EEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNN VIVOOOO! from the House Formerly Known as The ManZone. Aaron Rodgers just completed a pass to the NFL’s best player, Jordy Nelson.

8:43 pm: And don’t worry, the https://tbfiles.wordpress.com/2011/09/03/the-football-drankin-game/ is in effect for tonight. And every night! (That there’s a football game)

8:45 pm: I don’t know why Chris Collinsworth is acting like he doesn’t recognize the LEGENDARY greatness of Jordy Nelson. Act like you know, man!

8:46 pm: In other news, today Meggen and I went to Darlington to give blood…so that we could ride a couple of laps in a pace car around the track. That’s what fun people do, obviously.

8:51 pm: And the Saints seem intent on keeping the tradition of the home team winning these kickoff games alive…

8:54 pm: If you can name the colleges that these players went to before they name them in the video introductions…congratulations! You need to get a life.

8:56 pm: Random, yet relevant tweet from SC_DougFarrar: “If you’re playng zone defense, it really helps if everyone wearing the same uniform agrees with you.”

8:57 pm: And suddenly, I realize that eating a large sub from Firehouse Subs was probably not the best idea. Might need to call in the bullpen to finish this post.

8:58 pm: Chris Collinsworth just noted that the Saints don’t seem to have an answer for Jermichael Finley. Did they not know he was playing?

9:00 pm: Got an alert on my ESPN Fantasy Football app that someone on my bench was projected to score more than Jordy Nelson this week. How dare they question the legendary greatness of that guy? I mean, c’mon guys!!!

9:02 pm: More Jordy news: Apparently I hurt my tibia doing jump lunges with a shoulder press. I mean, how could something like that happen?

9:03 pm: Olin Kruetz plays for the Saints now? Oh my!

9:04 pm: You know it’s football season when the commentators are making up emotions for the players. How does Al Michaels KNOW that Darren Sproles is frustrated?

9:08 pm: Drew Brees with a beautiful pass to Robert Meachem for the touchdown. Wait, there’s another solid quarterback in this game? Next thing you’ll tell me is that the Saints won the Super Bowl two years ago.

9:11 pm: Okay, NFL. Let’s admit that this kicking off from the 35 was a stupid idea. There’s no such thing as safety when all these guys are fast, muscle bound, and weight more than 200 pounds. So, just let them knock each other out!

9:14 pm: Lots of hubbub about the Saints holding offseason workouts even while the lockout was going on. Well, I suppose that the Packers had to be working on something, right?

9:15 pm: Thank God that Randall Cobb is no longer at Kentucky to end up wide open in the end zone vs. the Gamecocks terrorize SEC defenses.

9:17 pm: I’ll tell you this much though: Randall Cobb will get enough of diving into the end zone like that.

9:19 pm: Nice to see that Al Michaels is talking about things that I mentioned five minutes ago. Is he reading my live blog?

9:21 pm: Random, yet stupid tweet courtesy of jimrome: “Yeah, I don’t think Aaron Rodgers liked all that “The Eagles are the Dream Team” talk.” Yeah, the only person who referred to the Eagles as A “dream team” was Vince Young. Who plays on the team. Who also scored a -51 on the Wonderlic. So excuse him for making statements that aren’t THAT smart. People ran that “dream team” quote into the fucking ground. Seriously? STOP HYPE MONGERING, PLEASE. It’s not okay for Vince Young to say that this was a team that most players would dream to be on? Pretty sure that’s what he meant.

9:24 pm: Do these secondaries really suck, or are these quarterbacks pretty damn good? Extremely impressive throw on the move by Drew Brees.

9:28 pm: BREAKING NEWS—Mark Ingram won the Heisman Trophy while at Alabama.

9:28 pm: Where the hell is Michelle Tafoya? Shouldn’t she be finding out why the Saints players keep slipping down on this side of the field? Or is she putting in more hairspray?

9:33 pm: I couldn’t watch Jon Kasay and his giant legs kick that field goal for the Saints. It hurts too much.

9:35 pm: Meanwhile, on ESPN…Lou Holtz is drooling all over the place. And seductive moves by the cheerleaders during the halftime show!!! Oh my!

9:38 pm: And, well, the Saints are back in the game. Darren Sproles was just untouched going into the end zone. Some defensive points if you have the Saints D!!

9:41 pm: Even Eminem and Nate Dogg can’t get me excited about a movie about…robots boxing.

9:42 pm: Guess who just realized that he has Darren Sproles on the bench on his fantasy team??

9:44 pm: Michelle finally said something about the players slipping. Of course, what’s on the field could just be her hairspray.

9:47 pm: Donald Driver would be that annoying parent who posts any and everything about his wife’s pregnancy on Facebook. I’m sorry, yes. I went there. Congratulations to his family, though. (I mean that!)

9:50 pm: I love it when both teams are pointing at each other after a false start/offsides penalty. Y’all can’t both be right!!

9:52 pm: I’ve watched way too much football when I’m saying, “Man, Scott Shanle should pull up his damn pants.”

9:53 pm: Flips channel to Sportsouth. Sees a Kay Jewelers engagement ring commercial. Flips channel back. Too soon, guys. Tooooooo soon.

9:54 pm: My fantasy football team names—the Hip Hop Hippopotamuses, (where Aaron Rodgers is my QB) the Cape Fear Carpet Munchers, and the LiLo (for Lindsay Lohan, obviously) Labias. Lots of female body parts involved

9:55 pm: Maybe Collinsworth is watching a different game. That ball would have been very tough to intercept. Alas, the Packers score a touchdown on the ground.

9:58 pm: Meanwhile, in Flushing Meadows…Roger Federer is one of the few tennis players that doesn’t make a sound when he’s hitting the ball. He’s also won 16 major championships. So, yeah.

9:59 pm: I do appreciate how John McEnroe is well on the point with his analysis. He never really gives any fluff. What a novel idea!

10:03 pm: Back to Green Bay! Saints out of timeouts, 3rd and 2 in their territory…and Brees connects with Darren Sproles for a nice conversion. They know how to play football too??

10:04 pm: Very nice PBU by Eric Walden. Because Jimmy Graham was going to catch that ball and run for a little bit.

10:07 pm: I think the ESPN Sunday NFL Countdown show has a few too many guys. Just sayin.

10:12 pm: Well, it’s halftime. If you cared about the score, the Packers are leading 28-17. Of course, that’s if you actually cared about the game.

10:19 pm: Meanwhile, in Stillwater…why in the world are they talking to T. Boone Pickens about…anything? ALL HE DOES IS GIVE MONEY.

10:22 pm: Meanwhile, in Flushing Meadows…Nice job by Tsonga to ward off the buzzsaw that is Roger Federer. Got a break back. Like I know what that means.

10:26 pm: And it’s back to football in Green Bay. If I say that ever again, you have my permission to come punch me in the face.

10:29 pm: Random, yet relevant tweet from TFG_Wiseguy: “You know what they say, defense wins championships”

10:31 pm: And, almost on cue..a huge 3rd down sack by the Packers.

10:34 pm: The Saints sure do know how to not tackle. Tremendous return by Randall Cobb.

10:37 pm: And, this Playboy Club series looks pretty stupid. Yup.

10:42 pm: Al Michaels found a very fancy way to say that Devery Henderson never stepped out of bounds. “There was just a little sliver of green…” Shut up. 35-27, Packers. Shout out to whoever took the over!

10:45 pm: Man, there are going to be a lot of crappy new shows on this fall. Good thing football’s back!

10:51 pm: Meanwhile, in Queens…the Braves were able to sweep the doubleheader from the Mets. And it was done in front of about 14 fans.

10:53 pm: Don’t worry, Charles Woodson will get a $500,000 fine for throwing that punch.

11:03 pm: It’s hard out here for a blogger! Geez, 35-27 Green Bay at the end of the 3rd quarter. New Orleans went for it on 4th and inches inside the ten. Which has me thinking that Lane Kiffin is calling the plays.

11:07 pm: Meanwhile…in Flushing Meadows, Roger Federer just whiffed big time on returning a Tsonga serve. Of course, Tsonga returns the favor by double faulting away a break point that Roger had. Way to stay in the game, buddy!

11:09 pm: Federer is now serving for the match. Did you know that he’s been in seven straight US Open semifinals? Better yet, did you care?

11:12 pm: After blowing the Wimbeldon quarterfinal vs. Tsonga, Roger returns the favor by laying the smackdown 6-4, 6-3 and 6-3.

11:13 pm: Meanwhile, in Green Bay…apparently the Packers scored a touchdown while I was watching tennis. Oh, bummer.

11:15 pm: Big play by the Packers defense. But Chris Collinsworth just praised one of the defensive backs for Green Bay who, in the previous play, led with his head to make a tackle. Because, that’s smart and all.

11:24 pm: Meanwhile, the Saints just figured out that it’s okay to try, and succeed, at tackling Aaron Rodgers.

11:25 pm: Somewhat sorry about the delay. I just spent three minutes watching Nikki Haley talk to Greta van Sustren. Say what you want about the lady’s politics. She’s the best looking politician on this planet.

11:27 pm: Truth be told: I don’t remember a damn thing she said.

11:28 pm: 42-27, Packers. There is not plenty of time. The Saints have tackled the Packers like 2.4 times all game.

11:30 pm: Tonight’s Horse Trailer Player of the Game: Michelle Tafoya’s hairspray. Causing problems all night!

11:31 pm: Of course, just in case you didn’t see enough replays of Williams’s arm bending the wrong way, NBC just had it in super slow mo!!

11:32 pm: Chris Collinsworth said that they would have a full report on the injury as soon as information was available. That’s assuming that Michelle is still at the stadium, even.

11:34 pm: And…at 11:34 pm, we get our first LASER throw and catch of the season. Many more to come, I hope. Unless you’re watching the Panthers.

11:35 pm: TERRIFIC play design by the Saints there. Quick pump, fake the run, TE leak out to the flat, he’s wide the fuck open. I just got aroused from that.

11:44 pm: Of course, the question in my mind is…how does Green Bay blow this?

11:46 pm: And on the LAST PLAY of the game…are we about to get a pass interference call in the end zone?!!?

11:49 pm: And this wild ass football game ends…on a goal line stand. We go from 2011 to 1951 on one play!

11:51 pm: 42-34, Packers. Nice job by the Packers on keeping the gas to the floor throughout most of the game. Decent job by New Orleans to battle back…but those boys need to learn how to tackle. You can question the two short yardage calls by Sean Payton, but hey…he’s probably going to call about 1,000 plays this year? Can’t really get our panties in a wad about two that didn’t go their way. Very entertaining game. And…Michelle Tafoya is back doing her job! Missed you all game. Not really. Thanks for reading, folks!!!


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