Archive for the ‘Playoffs’ Category

To keep me from burning anything this year, my bracket is online.

Good God, that’s Jordy’s Blogging music!!!!

Not a plausible excuse: I forgot my password.
Plausible excuse: I haven’t felt like writing.

Just to run through a few things that have been going on lately:
1. Meggen and I are expecting!
2. Number 1.
3. I moved back to Columbia. Time to start a family, you guys!
4. I’ve been running a lot! Even lost 20 or so pounds in the process.
5. I’m bald!!!

Anyway, what better way to bring myself back to the blogosphere than with a live blog about college basketball. My fortunes have seemingly worked out for me quite well, and by that, I mean that I’m off today (among other things). So. The beer is here. The sandwich is made. The laptop is charging, and the TV is fired up. PARTY TIME, YOU GUYS!!!

12:11 pm: Beer status: Sweetwater 15. It’s a giant bottle with 10% alcohol. I might be lucky to make it to 12:45.

12:12 pm: Interesting subplot: My cable box is garbage. Completely useless. The TV goes blank at about :58 on the hour, every hour. If I change the channel, it’s fine. THAT’S NOT GOING TO WORK TODAY!! Since I work in technical support, maybe this is my chance to feel like everyone else when their stuff isn’t working.

12:14 pm: Random, yet relevant Facebook post: “Greg Anthony is dressed like The Joker on CBS right now” That’s not an inaccurate statement.

12:15 pm: I hope someone at South Carolina is hearing them play Sandstorm right now and looking for a new song to play during games. It’s not original anymore. Of course, it stopped being original in about 2004. Whatever.

12:17 pm: Because the NCAA is fair and balanced and your record matters, Murray State (barely lost to Butler in the tourney last year) is 30-1. And is a 6 seed.

12:18 pm: Of course, Colorado State couldn’t care less about Murray State’s record, and is out to an early 4-0 lead. Make that 4-3. The loser should be required to drop “State” from its school name.

12:19 pm: Two straight traveling violations by the Rams. That reminds me, here’s the greatest Sportscenter commercial ever.

12:23 pm: Random, yet relevant tweet: @ZachLowe_SI: Actual title of press release I just got “Why March Madness is Important to Nude Recreation.”

12:23 pm: Not sure why cable companies haven’t combated the DirecTV commercials with “When it rains and you have satellite, well, you’re just screwed.”

12:25 pm: Checks bracket…wait. C’MON, Murray State!!

12:26 pm: Nice offensive rebound and kickout for a three. 10-8 Colorado State. I should warn you now that I’m not going to be updating scores all day.

12:31 pm: I’ve accepted the fact that the AT&T commercial where the guy is watching the game on the date makes me so upset because…that guy is me. But really, here’s what kills me about this commercial:
-Why do you even have your phone on the table?
-What kind of response is “Do you think I’m some kind of summoner who can just summon stuff to his phone? OF COURSE YOU CAN, IT’S 2011!!!
-Why did the girl fall for that explanation?
No woman with any sense is going to allow that.

12:38 pm: The problem with having games on TruTV is that you have to watch the ads for their horrendous commercials. Anyway, Kevin Harlan’s on the call! Yay! But so is Reggie Miller. Boooo.

12:44 pm: I interrupted my own live blog to dive headfirst into a discussion about a photo of an anti-Obama car sticker. Sad part is that stuff like that is pretty typical of yours truly.

12:46 pm: 31 minutes in, and we have our first DERP of the day! A missed oop on the alley oop by Kansas State.

12:51 pm: I forgot that Larry Eustachy is the coach at Southern Miss! He likes the coeds.

12:52 pm: 52 minutes in, and my cable box finally decided to get cute! I’m feeling this beer a little too much to care.

12:55 pm: Reggie Miller is throwing out these percentages like anyone gives a damn. We already know that 1-12 shooting is bad, bro.

12:56 pm: “Horrendous shooting thus far,” says Kevin Harlan. Then Southern Miss drains a three. See, you have to talk crap about something in order for it to work out!

1:04 pm: I guess it’s good that it takes less booze to get me wonky. But not if I’m trying to run a live blog until 5 pm!

1:04 pm: Colorado State is up 24-23 at the half against Murray State. Somehow, Leslie Visser still has a job. It’s like CBS takes her out of the cryogenic chamber every March.

1:06 pm: Breaking NFL news. Mario Williams signs a 6 year deal with the Bills. Do you know who he is? No? Okay.

1:07 pm: I know it’s only McGruder, but that name still makes me laugh. Maybe because there are people out there who refer to me as McCooter.

1:09 pm: I hate offensive fouls. They’re all flops.

1:10 pm: Not sure what network came with the idea of showing which team was in the bonus on the scoreline, but it was a great idea.

1:11 pm: Baby news: Meggen felt the baby move! It’s kinda been that way since Sunday, but whatever. YOU didn’t know that until just now.

1:13 pm: More non-basketball stuff. I’m not really a FAN of St. Patrick’s Day. I will wear green, and I’ll probably have a beer. But all these people who have to tell you the percentage of Irish that’s in their blood just annoys me. Seriously, no one asked you, nor does anyone care. You don’t have to be Irish to celebrate. And no one will remember what you said the next day. With that being said, I think my last name is Irish.

1:15 pm: I swear these commercials are running long. When did Southern Miss get within 1?

1:17 pm: Angelo Johnson is in the building! Ugly form, but the three ties the game at 23. In a related story, he looks like he’s about 33.

1:18 pm: For those of you who care, Dwight Howard has a press conference going on. Or something. He’s a punk.

1:19 pm: Random, yet relevant tweet: @awfulannouncing: “@KSJ49: @awfulannouncing “Cannon has a stronger lower body. You can relate Verne.”-Raft”

1:19 pm: Reggie Miller mentions how one of the Southern Miss players could be suffering from an ankle injury. As said player clutches his ankle and writhes in pain on the floor. They’re paying him the big bucks!

1:22 pm: The music people at KFC Yum! Center (that’s a real place, oh by the way) are showing out today. Twilight Zone?!!?

1:27 pm: Jacob Pullen plays overseas now? And Jeremy Lin has a job? What?

1:29 pm: Murray State is now ahead by six against Colorado State. That’s probably going to be my last score update.

1:33 pm: Who in the HELL dressed Greg Anthony? WHAT IS THAT HE HAS ON?

1:34 pm: Random, yet relevant Facebook post: “Southern Miss fans chanting “Where’s your green card?” at a Kansas State player named Angel Rodriquez. Ah, Mississippi… that great beacon of tolerance and hospitality”

1:35 pm: Jay Wright (with Turner) and Seth Greenberg (with ESPN) are great additions by each network on their tourney coverage.

1:38 pm: Here I am thinking that I’m watching TBS. But I was watching TruTV. I can’t keep up, and we’re only an hour and a half in.

1:40 pm: The dreaded “there’s a commercial on every channel!” moment. Because, you know, that’s frustrating!

1:41 pm: Louisville and Davidson tipping off in Oregon. It’s not even 11 am there! That ain’t fair!

1:43 pm: Word that needs to be removed from…everything: Deadly. Brian Anderson mentioned how Davidson was “deadly” from 3 point range. Nobody’s dying BECAUSE those shots go in. Just sayin.

1:45 pm: Now we have three games on. Let’s see if my remote is up to task.

1:48 pm: Nice block by the really dark guy (Racist!). But let’s try to keep that ball in play, okay?

1:52 pm: Peyton Siva did some kind of Houdini stuff to get to the basket. I’m sure he’ll be playing overseas next year too. Or back in Louisville for his 54th year. Whatever.

1:53 pm: The real challenge of this tournament? Me getting through that woeful AT&T commercial.

1:57 pm: This McGruder guy is making me get over his name. Quickly!

2:01 pm: I know I picked Southern Miss to win this game, but I’m not sure that I should be rooting for a Larry Eustachy coached team. People in Ames still hate this guy!

2:08 pm: Still here! Just noticed the horrendous shorts that the Cardinals are rocking.

2:12 pm: Oh, TNT has shows that look dumb too. Great!

2:15 pm: Now the TV is tuned into Albuquerque for Montana-Wisconsin. If I were my cable box, I’d quit too.

2:17 pm: Wisconsin has already scored 11 points. That should last them for about 8 games.

2:21 pm: And, we have our first final of this Thursday! Murray State 58, Colorado State 41. And my bracket is PERFECT!

2:30 pm: Here’s Reggie Miller again, talking percentages. And still, no one gives a damn.

2:33 pm: Kansas State 53, Southern Miss 51. 6:13 left in the half. Will this be the “mad” element of March Madness today?

2:34 pm: McGruder has about 4000 points thus far. And Southern Miss is missing free throws. I think we know how this one is going to end.

2:36 pm: Rodney McGruder is all over the place! This is what happens when I don’t give a crap about college basketball. I miss things!

2:39 pm: BREAKING: Southern Miss made a free throw. Two, even.

2:42 pm: Nice steal by Watson, even better finish! K State 62, Southern Miss 59. It’s real out here, or, there, you guys.

2:44 pm: Angel Rodriguez with the beautiful move! to put the Wildcats up by five.

2:46 pm: I’m sorry, but there’s nothing pleasurable about driving a Buick. Unless you’re ONLY talking about the legroom.

2:51 pm: Southern Miss misses the step-back three attempt. K State up four, 31.4 seconds left. Time to burn the bracket, folks!

2:54 pm: Yeah, K State got away with one there. That was off the Wildcat player.

2:55 pm: K State 70, Southern Miss 64. Where’s a lighter when you need one???

2:56 pm: Okay, folks. Time for a break. It’s hard to find meaningful stuff to type for three hours straight!!!

3:06 pm: If I’m a kid on the Davidson or Louisville pep band, do I really want to take a trip to Portland

3:07 pm: That’s probably a nice recruiting ploy. “Come to Louisville and play basketball—you’ll become Homecoming King! No, really!” I’m totally kidding. That’s an awful idea.

3:14 pm: What’s the over/under on “number of ‘Gold On The Ceiling’ plays” for this tournament—200?

3:15 pm: Also, because you asked, here are my top Black Keys Albums:
1. Thickfreakness
2. The Rubber Factory
3. The rest just don’t matter. Sorry.

3:18 pm: Gee, I didn’t know that such a large segment of the March Madness viewing audience was women who wanted to lose weight! (There was a Weight Watchers commercial with Jennifer Hudson on)

3:19 pm: If you are a fan of this blog, you know that I’m an advocate for Weight Watchers. But I didn’t (and still don’t) need Jennifer Hudson to tell me that it works.

3:22 pm: Quick score rundown. Marquette 31, The Romneys 17. Wisconsin 41, Montana 29. Louisville 51, Davidson 39. MADNESS, I tell you.

3:24 pm: There’s not a better way to waste your day than playing Draw Something. Don’t do it, by the way. Then you’ll never read this post.

3:32 pm: Taco Bell wants me to believe that some dude drove cross country to get a Doritos taco that he could have made at home. Nice try, folks.

3:33 pm: Back to Pittsburgh! I’ve been to Asheville four times, and I’ve never seen the UNC-Asheville campus. That means something…to me.

3:43 pm: I like Buzz Williams that much more knowing that he danced on West Virginia’s court.

3:49 pm: Syracuse and UNC-Asheville tied at 15. Weren’t they the last 1 seed to almost lose their first round game?

3:53 pm: Tight game thus far, Cuse 22, UNCA 21. Not like you know UNC Asheville anyway.

3:56 pm: Random, yet relevant tweet: @CRM_Stephen: Northwestern Mutual on their Game of Thrones game.

3:59 pm: I got an alert on my phone stating that the Louisville-Davidson game was close. I turn to the game, and it’s over. Oops?

4:02 pm: Okay, folks. Tapping out for now. I may be back later this evening with updates. Hope you’ve enjoyed it thus far!!


I know, I’ve been gone a while, you guys (and gals). I’ll be upfront: Ever since I found out what the other santorum meant, I’ve been too scarred to write. I’ve been taking it day by day, really. I think I’m finally on my way back. I appreciate all your potentially not giving a damns.

Here’s another thing: I haven’t written about the NFL at all this season! That’s ridiculous, right?!!? It’s not like I haven’t been watching (and talking) about football all season. As my girlfriend would probably gladly attest, I didn’t miss a beat this season. I just didn’t blog about it. Anyway, I figured that I’d unnecessarily throw my two cents in…because, y’all need it, right? Right?!!!??!!?? Anyway, here are a few things I picked up on throughout the season:

1. People like Tim Tebow.
Okay, I am one of those people. There were a lot of great things that happened this NFL season (the assault on passing records, the surprising debut of Cam Newton, the impact of less training camp due to the lockout). But the most talked about player was a guy who threw bounce passes on simple 10 yard comeback routes and completed fewer than 50 percent of his passes (and his team finished 9-9). I knew that people had already jumped the shark on Tebow when fans were calling into radio shows reading Revelation and equating that to Tim Tebow. Yes, guys, that really happened.

I don’t know where this Tebow thing is going. I’m still perfectly fine with not trying to “explain” it and letting it ride. And I’m also glad that the Broncos are no longer in the playoffs, simply because they really weren’t that good to begin with. I’m still embarrassed to say that he was the guy that got the most attention this season.

2. Great hype, as always, falls hard.
Remember when the Eagles signed all those players, Vince Young likened it to playing for a “dream team”, and the “experts” were convinced that the NFC title was their (Philly’s) birthright? Yeah…they didn’t make the playoffs. Or how the Packers were unstoppable, and there was a chance they’d go undefeated? Yeah, there were actual cries for the backup quarterback last week. Games are never won off the field, but you’d never know that sometimes.

3. Even grown men like to complain.
Here’s a new item to add to the ever expanding Football Drinking Game: When a receiver misses a pass while being defended and begs for a flag to be thrown. Or when any player begs for a flag to be thrown. Guaranteed to get you at least tipsy by halftime, if not the end of the first quarter. Sure, there are rules violations on every play. But I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to play your game and let the refs do their job. But hey, I think I’m making sense right now—and that just isn’t allowed in the NFL.

Okay, let’s talk actual games now! For what it’s worth, I do think that these are the four best teams remaining. Lots of incredible storylines: great uniforms, (49ers, Giants) old guys who are somehow gaining muscle mass, (Ray Lewis) players inexplicably coming up large in the clutch, (Alex Smith) the “old guard” gunning for another championship, (Tom Brady) the idiotic “nobody believed in us” line (well, Joe Flacco takes the cake here since his own defense seems to doubt him). So, who do I think will win?

(Home team in caps. Just in case you didn’t know)

PATRIOTS (-7) over Ravens
I wouldn’t trust the Ravens to take my trash out. I know that’s really harsh, but am I really supposed to believe in a team that lost by double digits at San Diego, could not get more than 10 points at Jacksonville, and got blindsided at Seattle? Really? The Ravens would get the trash outside, but somehow

"Oh my, that's a lot of plays..."

the trash would never get in the trash can. And then they’d blame it on like…a cat or something. And I actually like Joe Flacco. As a matter of fact, I think he’s a top 15 QB. Greg Cossell is a well-respected NFL nerd, and he thinks the Ravens are limited by:
1. Their receivers are terrible at separating from man coverage. Yeah, that’s not a good thing.
2. Their formations rarely offer a 3rd receiver. Only 8 plays with the 3rd wideout vs. the Texans last week. That would work—if this were 1982 and not 2012.
Say what you want about the defense, but I don’t think that it really scares the Patriots in any way whatsoever. Who’s going to cover the tight ends? Baltimore got 0 sacks against the Texans last week. Tom Brady was last sacked sometime in 1987. Yeah, that’s never a good thing. If the Ravens can go into Foxboro and beat this Patriot team, then I will tip the cap. But I just don’t see that happening today.

Giants (+1.5) over 49ERS
Truth be told: I just flipped a coin (best of 7) to see who I should pick to win this game. The coin said San Francisco. Yes, you can definitely make a case for the Niners. And yes, this is my favorite game of the two because:
-Both teams have terrific uniforms (the Giants road uni is the best in the NFL, and the Niners went back to their ever so classic design from the 80s). Hey, other NFL teams: Making a nice, classy looking uniform isn’t that hard!
-I’m not going to waste my time to look this up, but surely not one publication had this game in their season preview. I’m always excited about the unexpected!
Anyway, if the 49ers were to win this game, I’m pretty sure they’d be the most unlikely Super Bowl team

Awwww the Eli Face!!!

since…maybe the Rams in Super Bowl 34. (Okay, maybe the Cardinals from Super Bowl 43). Is that really going to happen? Can I really bank on San Francisco getting multiple turnovers (as they did in the regular season game vs. the Giants and against New Orleans) again? Do I think the Football Gods want to subject America to The Eli Manning Face? I’m answering all those questions with a “No”. It’s been a great ride, San Francisco. Hard to see tonight being your night.

Of course, if I’m wrong about all of this…pretend that I didn’t write any of it.

Because, I think you need something to read this evening!

So, I felt compelled to write an MLB preview for the regular season. You may have read it. Now that the season is over, I thought it would be fun to look at the questions I asked, and try to come up with some answers. Just wait until we get to those predictions!!!

1. Is this the Year of the Pitcher again?
Well, ESPN would have you believe that this is the Year of the QB. But, MLB pitchers did quite well also. There were 16 pitchers who finished with an earned run average below three, 20 pitchers who finished with at least 15 wins, 3 pitchers who finished with a WHIP (walks and hits per innings pitched) below 1, (that’s absolutely amazing) 14 pitchers who recorded at least 200 strikeouts, and (let me get nerdy) 11 pitchers with an FIP below three, and 15 pitchers who had a WAR of at least five. So, the answer to this question was yes. A big YES, even. Also, Justin Verlander (AL) and Clayton Kershaw (NL—you may have seen his name in my preview) won the pitching Triple Crown (led in wins, ERA and strikeouts) for their respective leagues. That’s pretty impressive.

2. Is it time for instant replay in baseball?
Sure, why not? I think if you mention the name Jerry Meals to Pirates fans, they might either deck you or start sobbing. There were some pretty horrific calls throughout the season, but the call by Meals is one that sticks out a little more than the others. I’m not sure how it can be implemented in a way that works, but I’m sure it’s coming. Again, I’m sorry, Pirates fans.

3. How much is Albert Pujols worth?
Well, I think we’re about to find out. He just missed hitting .300/30/100 (that’s average/HRs/RBI for those of you who didn’t know) for the 35th year in a row. (Or something close to that) The Cardinals just made the playoffs, which gives him a chance to further increase his contract demands.

(By the way, I have to give credit to the St. Louis Cardinals. Everyone and their mistress’s mother counted them out once Adam Wainwright was sidelined for the season (before it started). And, well, they looked out of it at the beginning of the month. But Lance Berkman had a great year, and Pujols came back from a broken wrist…and, they’re in the playoffs. Remarkable job.)

I think the verdict is in on Pujols. If Carl Crawford can get a bazillion dollar contract, Pujols will probably get a kajillion. I think that’s more than a bazillion. Can someone check that for me?

4. Do the Braves qualify for the Ewing Theory now that Bobby Cox is no longer the manager?
Well, uh, no. I think you had a number of things (offensive struggles, starters who could not “eat” innings, (they’d probably taste like Cracker Jack and hot dogs. Who wouldn’t want that?) an overworked bullpen, and a Cardinals team that played well while the Braves didn’t) that led to the Braves missing the playoffs. Though, you could make the case that this team backed into the postseason last year. So, the Ewing Theory turned out to be a bit of a stretch. One can only hope that the Braves will be eager to not play like they did in September, and carry that sense of urgency throughout next season.

5. Now, how about those predictions?
What I Got Right: The Nationals did have a better record than the Orioles. The Nationals finished 80-81. The Orioles? 69-93. BOOMSHAKALAKA!
What I Got Wrong: Everything else! Terry Francona as Manager of the Year? Not so much. Brad Emaus as Rookie of the Year? Uh, I don’t think he even played much this year. Braves over the Yankees in the World Series? LOLOLOLOLOL.

So, okay. My predictions turned out pretty horribly. But that’s the beauty of sports—you’re not supposed to know! I’m looking forward to the playoffs, even if it’s only for the bunting. This season had a lot of twists and turns, which means that the playoffs themselves will likely be pretty boring and anti-climactic. Sorry, folks!

Author’s note: This post is best if read while watching this video. Over and over again, obviously.

And you thought that things couldn’t get any crazier than Plaxico Burress warranting attention, right? Normally, Tuesday is reserved for women who feel the need to share their breasts to everyone on Twitter. (Well, if you’re on Twitter, that is.) But, today was reserved for a bunch of sports stories that could all be the lead! Obviously, I felt compelled to write about it all! Don’t worry, this is not ranked in order of importance:

Terelle Pryor is leaving Ohio State:If you’re actually surprised by this, put your hand (either one, I don’t care which) about ten inches from your cheek. Move the hand away from you slowly, then strike yourself as hard as you can on your cheek. That’s right, you deserve to be slapped! Here are a few red flags about the announcement itself:
1. This was announced by his lawyer. How many college students have a lawyer?
2. I’m not saying that this smells fishy or anything, but, uh, isn’t he being investigated by the NCAA?
3. Pryor was going to miss five games this coming season. Did you really think he was going to stay?
Now, ESPN devoted time to this story on Sportscenter. I find this interesting because at the end of the Sugar Bowl, Pryor purposely avoided the question of whether he was returning or not next season. You may know the story: the only reason he was able to play the bowl game is because the Big Ten didn’t want to lose to the SEC again in a high profile bowl game he promised Jim Tressel that he would serve his suspension and play next season. Well, when your coach resigns, no need to hold your word, right?

But, what will Pryor do? Seriously, I can think of…three games where he actually made a difference. I’m sure you will see highlights of deep passes to wide open receivers, which is totally what he will see in the NFL (no, he won’t). He’s mediocre AT BEST. But hey, that makes him perfect for the UFL, I suppose.

Dirk Nowitzki says that Jason Terry has not been clutch: This actually “happened” yesterday evening. Here’s my problem with this entire situation: When, in fact, has Jason Terry EVER been “clutch”? And, if we could get rid of that word for the rest of the NBA’s existence, I’d be OK with that too. Anyway, if you’re dreaming of Terry’s three point barrage vs. the Lakers…please keep in mind that he was wide open on 975 percent of those shots (yes, I put that number there on purpose). So Dirk, I hope you realize that your team winning this title is going to be up to you. And maybe a few timely shots from Jason Terry. But that ain’t clutch, that’s playing your role.

Tiger Woods withdraws from the U.S. Open: Does no one have a problem with the fact that we’re taking Tiger’s word for this…even though all he’s done is announce this via a tweet? Has Anthony Weiner taught us nothing? PEOPLE RETRACT THEIR TWEETS ALL THE TIME!!! Also, can I go ahead and write Tiger Woods off? He went through a nasty divorce that was of his own doing. Let’s keep that in mind. He can chalk up his struggles to injury, but is a guy who was the epitome of fitness really suddenly breaking down so easily? I don’t think he has it anymore. I’m being serious. Talk to me when he starts winning tournaments. Because, in my mind, it’s not like he’s really been in any tournaments this year anyway.

NBC gets the Olympics through 2020: Perhaps they believe that the Mayan calendar is just a myth? In a related story, Comcast has put the Philadelphia 76ers up for sale. If you’re following along here still, NBC is owned by Comcast. I suppose that they’ll have to come up with the money for these Games somehow, right?

Colt McCoy’s wife runs her mouth: Colt McCoy is a (maybe the?) quarterback for the Cleveland Browns. He had a storied run at the University of Texas. I liked his wife since the story of their engagement was actually somewhat romantic. But then! Mrs. McCoy decided to run her mouth about the perks that players received while Colt was in Austin. I have to believe that Colt at least sighed once he heard this. Hell, I know I did. Rachel, you don’t have to share everything just because you’re asked, OK?

Bryce Harper is already a douchebag: Well, that didn’t take long! Bryce Harper is a hotshot prospect working his way through the minors as a member of the Washington Nationals. He felt the need to thank the pitcher during his home run trot last night. I…don’t think that’s very manly. Guys, when’s the last time you blew another guy a kiss? Anyway, apparently this is a “teachable moment.” Yeah, I’m sure it is. Next time these teams play, Harper’s getting beaned. As well he should. Probably not the best thing to already be a tool before you’ve seen a live Major League pitch. You’re good right now. There is no law stating that you always have to be good.

LeBron & Wade’s relationship: Excuse me while I go throw up. I know that most people with sense are not very fond of Jason Whitlock, but it’s hard to not agree with at least some of his views on this sudden possible trouble brewing between LeBron James and Dwyane Wade. It’s pretty comical. Can’t we just enjoy the game that happens on the court? Can’t Wade scold James, and vice versa, whenever they see fit (since, you know, they’re teammates and all)? If the Heat are winning games, does it really matter how?

I’m sure there were other moments worth mentioning about this silly Tuesday. But that’s for someone else to write! Let’s hope that things calm down a little tomorrow. I don’t have consecutive 1000 word posts in me!

Leave it to Sam Adams to get me in the mood to write!

So, you may have read and LOLed at my attempt to document Game 4 of the Western Conference Finals. Of course, had I done a live blog for the Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals, things would have gone the same way. Whatever, I’m not supposed to know what happens, right?

The title of this post is actually from a song by Jack White, Danger Mouse, Dick Bavetta, Miley Cryus and John Boehner (well, not the Miami Heat part, but I hope you got that already). In the song, Jack says “lonely” about 5629 times. And honestly, that’s what it feels like to be a “supporter” of the Heat. Hell, it’s probably what it feels like to play for the Heat. They’re the little bad bullies who decided to play together, and that’s just not right! Even yours truly felt obligated to write a few words on the subject back when the Heatles came together.

But what if we’re all wrong? After all, winning is the only thing, right? Yes, I understand that the Mavericks are the other team playing in the NBA Finals. I also understand that Dirk Nowitzki (pronounce the w like a v or I will punch your lights out) is playing so well, ESPN feels the need to bring out the obligatory comparison to Larry Bird (although, calling that obligatory is a bit racist, no?). But this entire season has been about the Miami Heat? Ask yourself this question: Do the Milwaukee Bucks have an ESPN website dedicated to them? Jesuslord, (courtesy MMM) Brian Windhorst left the Cleveland Plain Dealer to write for that site!! Even though people took delight in every Heat slip up, laughed when they cried, they may turn out to be exactly who THEY thought they were. LeBron foolishly talked about winning 5011 championships (which would, in fact, be a record) during that wacky/overdone/pretty stupid pep rally. But hey, should they win this year, that only gives them 5010 to achieve their lofty goal!!

Now, for those of you that are rooting against the Heat, I’d like to know a few things:
1. Why you mad?
2. No, really. Why you mad?
3. Are you rooting against the Heat because you’re mad about the way the team was put together?
4. If your answer to #3 is yes, um…why you mad?
5. If LeBron > Dirk and Wade > Dirk…uh, well, I don’t have to finish this question, do I?
6. Doesn’t Rick Carlisle just look sick? (Bonus question that is completely irrelevant)
7. So, if someone was rooting against you to succeed in life, how would you feel? Because, that’s what you’re doing. You know that, right?
While I am happy for the Mavericks, (I love their arena, you really are on top of the action, it seems) this series is all about Miami. Should they lose (and, no, they won’t, so don’t worry about it) to Dallas, the story will be Miami’s failure, not Dallas’s triumph. Should they win, the story will somehow be made into how players will just join together for a title. And, well, that’s the easy way out. If you took the time to maybe, I dunno, watch the playoffs this year, you will see the Heat coming back like a wave in Game 5 of the Conference Finals. They’ve lost three games all postseason. Guess what? That’s the best record so far. LeBron James was so badass in the Conference Finals that Joe Posnanski felt the need to compare it to Jordan’s fifth title (Jesuslord, ain’t that picture just scary?). The Mavericks have Dirk, yes. But, beyond that? Well, there is a guy with an Abe Lincoln tattoo on his neck…

So, just get with the program, y’all. This series, and season in general, is all about the Miami Heat. I’d love to say that they’ll sweep Dallas. Whatever, I’ll say that. I’ll say that they’ll definitely win it. So, maybe they can have the celebration on South Beach, so LeBron’s declaration (where he was taking his talents there) won’t look….too stupid. This season has to end this way. If you’re not OK with that, don’t worry! There’s going to be an ugly lockout soon afterward, so you probably won’t see a repeat!

So, in other news, I officially moved to Wilmington! I may or may not be living out of a suitcase right now, so that means one thing: IT’S TIME FOR ANOTHER SPORTS LIVE BLOG! I have yet to do one for an NBA game, so here goes nothing. Thanks for daring to read the Welcome to Wilmington Western Conference Finals Game Four Blog EN VIVO!!

Awww, two superstars going toe to toe!

A whole hell of a lot of storylines here in Oklahoma City tonight. Are the Mavericks really about to put the foot on the gas tonight? How many times will ESPN bring up Russell Westbrook’s decision-making? How many times will someone utter the words “penetration” or “penetrate”? Will more than five people read this post? Gonna be a long night, kids…so STRAP IN AND WATCH ME BRING IT!

9:02 pm: And we are LIVE in a hotel room! This post is going to be about as sleazy as I get, I think. I wonder if John Hollinger has a stat for Hair Gel Usage Rate. Scotty Brooks has to be a league leader, no?

9:04 pm: “These crazed fans…” says Mike Breen. I mean, this is Oklahoma. Are there normal people in that state, even?

9:06 pm: Sadly, I feel obligated to talk about Russell Westbrook: I wish people would shut the hell up about Russell Westbrook. Even Magic Johnson talked about how he should pass first, then praised him for driving to the basket repeatedly only one minute later. I’d rather peel my skin off my body than hear about this Westbrook crap.

9:08 pm: The Thunder have an early 6-2 lead, the Mavericks promptly turn the ball over. Mike Breen felt obligated to say that he shouldn’t say that this is a perfect start for OKC. Um, what?

9:11 pm: Somebody in the truck forgot that the game had started again, forcing Breen to stop mid-promo to get excited about a Westbrook fast break dunk. It’s OK, this game is happening too fast for me, too!

9:12 pm: Random, yet relevant tweet: “so, thunder looks great…but the mavs have missed three shots within one foot. this’ll even up soon, i reckon.” (via @bomani_jones)

9:14 pm: This fast start by OKC might mean that Rick Carlisle burns all his timeouts early. Which will make the end of the game shorter. I’m very OK with this.

9:17 pm: In an unrelated story, I am completely obliterating the bandwidth available for the wireless at this hotel. Live blogging + TweetDeck + downloading three albums. I’m busting a data cap in somebody’s ass. I think.

9:18 pm: Yes, Kevin Durant should have to say complete sentences while on the basketball court, in the middle of a possession. That makes complete sense!

9:19 pm: The Kendrick Perkins Stank Face is really taken to another level with the sweat dripping down his chin. It’s a level of ugly not many could achieve. Congrats, Perk!

9:22 pm: I know Peja Stojakavic did not just drive to the hoop for a layup. That’s penetration, homes. And, as I type this…he drove for a floater in the lane. What?!!?

9:24 pm: Rick Carlisle seems to be invoking his inner Andy Reid with these timeouts. Whatever.

9:27 pm: OK, so those commercials with the players reminiscing with the basketball are pretty good. Even though they are talking to a damn basketball.

9:30 pm: James Harden must have heard the announcers waxing poetic about him, since he just had two silly plays.

9:33 pm: Just as I was about to mention that the Mavs were still lurking…Nick Collison just overpowered two of them for a putback of his own miss. Le sigh.

9:34 pm: I don’t wish to change the subject, but you do know that Dirk thinks of David Hasselhoff when he shoots free throws, right?

9:37 pm: So, after the first quarter, the Thunder are up nine. Even though it feels like they should be up by 48. Yeah, I’m just saying that. Sort of.

9:40 pm: “…dribble penetration occurs,” says Mark Jackson. Drink! Also, is there a reason why Jackson has to say the word “basketball” each time? Just seems odd.

9:44 pm: OK, that was a pretty sweet move by James Harden. And a silky smooth three by Dirk. NOW WE’RE PLAYING SOME DAMN BASKETBALL.

9:47 pm: Obviously, Denny’s wants us all dead. But, bacon meatloaf? That seems worth the artery clog + cholesterol jump!

9:49 pm: So, Joakim Noah says a gay slur, then says “People who know me know that I’m not like that.” As in, not a person who says that stuff, or that he’s not gay? And am I the only person who asked this question?

9:56 pm: Now we’re about 15 minutes into this conversation about appropriate language. I GET IT, Y’ALL. IT WAS BAD.

9:58 pm: Quick question: How old is Jason Terry? Yes, I am about to answer my own question…he’s 33. He only looks…39. Not that bad!

10 pm: Dirk with some silky, herky jerky moves to bring the Mavs within five. Hold on, crazed OKC fans!!!

10:06 pm: Doesn’t it feel like Dallas has this game in hand? I know, it sounds crazy. But still.

10:07 pm: Apparently, a requirement for being a “crazed fan” is to not know the definition of a foul. C’mon, Thunder fans!

10:08 pm: Let’s go ahead and add “Whenever there’s a close up of the Kendrick Perkins Stank Face” to the Sports Drinking Game.

10:10 pm: Another random thought…when you think of actual thunder, do you imagine the color scheme that OKC is wearing? If you answer yes, then maybe you are an alien.

10:13 pm: So, we’re at halftime. The Thunder are playing well, but the Mavs are lurking….59-54. Let’s hope I don’t fall asleep during halftime.


10:30 pm: Forgot this game was in 3D. I say that because it took me two hours to realize that James Harden’s beard would be spectacular in 3D…

10:32 pm: Is there a reason that Mark Jackson has to throw out so many cliches?

10:34 pm: Whatever Shawn Marion just did during that post up, he should never, ever do again. They should even jail him for thinking about it, actually.

10:36 pm: I need to stop watching Mavs games before Dirk Nowitzki becomes my favorite player in the NBA.

10:40 pm: So, who hit DeShawn Stevenson in the man area? Seemed like he embellished that one a little.

10:43 pm: In a related story, this game is getting a little out of hand. OKC is suddenly up by nine out of nowhere.

10:49 pm: Sweet Jesus, that was a sensational pass by Russell Westbrook. Not to be outdone, J Kidd does the same for Dallas on the following possession. Dallas bringing it back to a six point deficit.

10:55 pm: True story: I kinda stopped paying attention to the game. But I’m back on it now!

11:01 pm: Well, well well. Guess who’s only down by four now? No, it’s not the Lakers (too soon?). Maybe this fourth quarter would be juicy.

11:06 pm: Do you really think that the Thunder will hold their composure in this pressure cooker that is the fourth quarter? I’m going with a Whitney Houston “hell to the nah!”

11:09 pm: Of course, just as I type that…OKC goes up by nine. I’m not supposed to know the outcome anyway, right?

11:15 pm: I’m not sure that Eric Maynor is supposed to pull a Russell Westbrook…ever.

11:17 pm: OKC officially up by more points than minutes left in the game. So, essentially this game is over.

11:19 pm: Seven dimes for Westbrook. They haven’t mentioned his turnover count. Thank the Lord.

11:21 pm: OK, with a 12 point lead and six minutes left in the game, I am waving the white towel. Nice response by the Thunder. Curious virtual no show by Dirk in the second half. Oh well, I suppose there will be about 300 mentions on how Game 5 will be pivotal. Then again, every playoff game is pivotal, no? Thanks for reading!