Posts Tagged ‘Giants’

I know, I’ve been gone a while, you guys (and gals). I’ll be upfront: Ever since I found out what the other santorum meant, I’ve been too scarred to write. I’ve been taking it day by day, really. I think I’m finally on my way back. I appreciate all your potentially not giving a damns.

Here’s another thing: I haven’t written about the NFL at all this season! That’s ridiculous, right?!!? It’s not like I haven’t been watching (and talking) about football all season. As my girlfriend would probably gladly attest, I didn’t miss a beat this season. I just didn’t blog about it. Anyway, I figured that I’d unnecessarily throw my two cents in…because, y’all need it, right? Right?!!!??!!?? Anyway, here are a few things I picked up on throughout the season:

1. People like Tim Tebow.
Okay, I am one of those people. There were a lot of great things that happened this NFL season (the assault on passing records, the surprising debut of Cam Newton, the impact of less training camp due to the lockout). But the most talked about player was a guy who threw bounce passes on simple 10 yard comeback routes and completed fewer than 50 percent of his passes (and his team finished 9-9). I knew that people had already jumped the shark on Tebow when fans were calling into radio shows reading Revelation and equating that to Tim Tebow. Yes, guys, that really happened.

I don’t know where this Tebow thing is going. I’m still perfectly fine with not trying to “explain” it and letting it ride. And I’m also glad that the Broncos are no longer in the playoffs, simply because they really weren’t that good to begin with. I’m still embarrassed to say that he was the guy that got the most attention this season.

2. Great hype, as always, falls hard.
Remember when the Eagles signed all those players, Vince Young likened it to playing for a “dream team”, and the “experts” were convinced that the NFC title was their (Philly’s) birthright? Yeah…they didn’t make the playoffs. Or how the Packers were unstoppable, and there was a chance they’d go undefeated? Yeah, there were actual cries for the backup quarterback last week. Games are never won off the field, but you’d never know that sometimes.

3. Even grown men like to complain.
Here’s a new item to add to the ever expanding Football Drinking Game: When a receiver misses a pass while being defended and begs for a flag to be thrown. Or when any player begs for a flag to be thrown. Guaranteed to get you at least tipsy by halftime, if not the end of the first quarter. Sure, there are rules violations on every play. But I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to play your game and let the refs do their job. But hey, I think I’m making sense right now—and that just isn’t allowed in the NFL.

Okay, let’s talk actual games now! For what it’s worth, I do think that these are the four best teams remaining. Lots of incredible storylines: great uniforms, (49ers, Giants) old guys who are somehow gaining muscle mass, (Ray Lewis) players inexplicably coming up large in the clutch, (Alex Smith) the “old guard” gunning for another championship, (Tom Brady) the idiotic “nobody believed in us” line (well, Joe Flacco takes the cake here since his own defense seems to doubt him). So, who do I think will win?

(Home team in caps. Just in case you didn’t know)

PATRIOTS (-7) over Ravens
I wouldn’t trust the Ravens to take my trash out. I know that’s really harsh, but am I really supposed to believe in a team that lost by double digits at San Diego, could not get more than 10 points at Jacksonville, and got blindsided at Seattle? Really? The Ravens would get the trash outside, but somehow

"Oh my, that's a lot of plays..."

the trash would never get in the trash can. And then they’d blame it on like…a cat or something. And I actually like Joe Flacco. As a matter of fact, I think he’s a top 15 QB. Greg Cossell is a well-respected NFL nerd, and he thinks the Ravens are limited by:
1. Their receivers are terrible at separating from man coverage. Yeah, that’s not a good thing.
2. Their formations rarely offer a 3rd receiver. Only 8 plays with the 3rd wideout vs. the Texans last week. That would work—if this were 1982 and not 2012.
Say what you want about the defense, but I don’t think that it really scares the Patriots in any way whatsoever. Who’s going to cover the tight ends? Baltimore got 0 sacks against the Texans last week. Tom Brady was last sacked sometime in 1987. Yeah, that’s never a good thing. If the Ravens can go into Foxboro and beat this Patriot team, then I will tip the cap. But I just don’t see that happening today.

Giants (+1.5) over 49ERS
Truth be told: I just flipped a coin (best of 7) to see who I should pick to win this game. The coin said San Francisco. Yes, you can definitely make a case for the Niners. And yes, this is my favorite game of the two because:
-Both teams have terrific uniforms (the Giants road uni is the best in the NFL, and the Niners went back to their ever so classic design from the 80s). Hey, other NFL teams: Making a nice, classy looking uniform isn’t that hard!
-I’m not going to waste my time to look this up, but surely not one publication had this game in their season preview. I’m always excited about the unexpected!
Anyway, if the 49ers were to win this game, I’m pretty sure they’d be the most unlikely Super Bowl team

Awwww the Eli Face!!!

since…maybe the Rams in Super Bowl 34. (Okay, maybe the Cardinals from Super Bowl 43). Is that really going to happen? Can I really bank on San Francisco getting multiple turnovers (as they did in the regular season game vs. the Giants and against New Orleans) again? Do I think the Football Gods want to subject America to The Eli Manning Face? I’m answering all those questions with a “No”. It’s been a great ride, San Francisco. Hard to see tonight being your night.

Of course, if I’m wrong about all of this…pretend that I didn’t write any of it.


I’m not making any promises, but the goal is to throw out three random thoughts from the weekend that hopefully are original each week. Let’s just hope that I can make it to three.

1. Brooks Conrad: Le sigh.
You know the story by now: The Atlanta Braves stormed back from a 4-0 deficit in Game 2, and were hosting the Giants before a packed house and lots of foam tomahawks. Then Brooks Conrad happened. And by

He'd probably commit an error here too, if given the chance.

“happened,” I mean, “I’m pretty sure he’s being paid by Brian Sabean.” Conrad had three errors in the game, two of which led to runs for San Francisco. The final score: 3-2, Giants. Yes, he had two pinch-hit grand slams during the regular season, including one that made Joe Simpson pull the “rodeo card.” Yes, I’m a Braves fan, and I may or may not have said mean things about Conrad after the game. But! There’s still a game left, and Brooks didn’t put any of those guys on base. Also, the Braves still had a chance to at least tie the game in the bottom of the inning, even though they had to do it against Brian Wilson. Still, there’s another chance for Brooks to either be a hero tonight, or he will remain a very plausible scapegoat for a team whose overall defense slipped mightily in the second half of the year, and stopped hitting sometime in 2003.

2. Alabama: Making everyone prisoners of the moment.
Obviously, you may have heard that Alabama lost to South Carolina, 35-21 Saturday. For some strange reason, the question I was asked the most was where both teams would be ranked after the game. (Let’s be honest, I think only three people asked me. But hey, who’s counting?) I was certain that the Tide would fall no further than fifth. This was the same team that had won 19 in a row, had the reigning Heisman Trophy winner, and a quarterback who had not lost since the eighth grade, right? Just one week ago, you could be convinced that Alabama was far and away the clear top team in the nation. Then Saturday happened. So, after that loss, while albeit a convincing one, Alabama is now the eighth best team in the country? And we’re still working with the premise that the SEC is the best conference, correct? And we knew that Alabama had a tough stretch of two road conference games in three weeks, all against ranked teams, correct? Are the pollsters really convinced that the seven teams in front of them are actually better than Alabama? But then again, it’s only Week 6. I guess that there’s plenty of time for things to get straightened out.

3. Because you didn’t ask: My top ten in college football.
Just to clear a few things up: No, I am not a pollster. No, this shouldn’t be taken (very) seriously. But, I’ve seen at least a portion of games played by the teams in this list. I also tried to consider opponents played, as well as…well, whatever, my criteria doesn’t really matter. I know that people will likely disagree, but this may or may not be an opinion. So, let’s calm down before you say, “OH MY GOD, HOW CAN YOU RANK THEM THERE?” So, without further ado:
1. Oregon (Only team in this list to beat another top ten team at the time. Also a win three time zones away in Knoxville)
2. Boise State (Every win except one by double digits, and, well, I liked those unis from the Virgina Tech game)
3. TCU (Only loss in the since last season happened to be to the team ranked above them)
4. Alabama (ONE loss in the last 20 games. And because there’s no way you’d say every one below would actually beat Alabama)
5. Ohio State (Plenty of double digit wins. But only one road game, and can you really trust the Buckeyes?)
6. Nebraska (All double digit wins. And Taylor Martinez is no Joe Ganz. Which is good, obviously)

Can someone give this guy a better name than T-Mobile, please?

7. LSU (Tell me you wouldn’t take Les Miles to a casino with you)
8. Utah (I don’t really like the defensive prospects of the two teams below, so, uh, yeah)
9. Auburn (We’ll see what they’re all about very soon, with games against LSU and Alabama all to come)
10. Oklahoma (Blew out Florida State, yes. But can you see them actually beating anyone above them in this list?)

I must say that I’m pretty surprised that I got through three subjects here. Hopefully, I’ll be able to drop one of these on a weekly basis. So, having said that, tune in next Monday!

As always, the opinions in this blog are only those of the owner. But, let’s just say that this is something you should know by now.

Forget the fact that there was nothing wrong with the stadium in the rear. IT'S AMERICA!! EVERYTHING MUST BE NEW!

What’s better than a preseason Monday Night Football blog en vivo?? That same blog while rolling on pain meds!!! (Kids, don’t try this at home.) I had four wisdom teeth removed earlier today, and I’ve been popping taking medicine to ward off the pain. But I couldn’t possibly resist the first NFL game at the new Nazi Jets/Giants Stadium, now could I? Anyway, we join this game with 6:15 to go in the first quarter.

8:24 pm: Mark “Don’t Call Him Dirty!” Sanchez’s first pass was intercepted by Antrell Rolle (new guy!) and returned a very long way. Hold your “the Jets are going to the Super Bowl!” horses, folks!

8:25 pm: False start penalty on Damien Woody! Drink!

8:27 pm: Ron Jaworski just used the phrase “eye manipulation.” Isn’t that what the vampires do to hypnotize people in True Blood?

8:29 pm: Oh yeah, Brad Smith just scored a touchdown on a quick pass from Dirty. Eff that, I’m calling him Dirty Sanchez. ALL SEASON. 7-7 is the score. In other words, they’re both losing!

8:32 pm: Fireman Ed can afford seats at this new place?

8:34 pm: The word “physical” was just used. Drink! By the way folks, football is physical by nature. Can someone tell the commentators and analysts that?

8:35 pm: Also uttered? “Ball skills.” Drink again! I hope you have a high tolerance if you’re playing this drinking game.

8:37 pm: Punt block! And…the Giants just allowed a TD run by LDT (Although there was a penalty). The G-MEN picking up right where they left off!

8:38 pm: Jaws just used the phrase “explode through the hole.” Drink!

With all the ridiculous jargon uttered by these guys, prepare for many nights of alcohol poisoning.

8:39 pm: Here’s why I nominate Univision for a network to do NFL games: Even when they show commercials for their crappy shows, you wouldn’t know what they were talking about.

8:43 pm: Oh, there was a field goal? 10-7, Jets. Are you counting on me to provide the score?!!?

8:47 pm: Next “toy” that won’t sweep the nation? Paper Jamz.

8:49 pm: Random, yet relevant tweet: “‘Fireman Ed’ is probably the only fireman girls don’t want to see naked.” Courtesy of @ChicagoScott.

8:52 pm: Rex Ryan had lap band surgery, and also gets fined each time he has snacks at training camp. But, he’s still sporting the Ultra Belly. Michelle Obama, could you add Rex Ryan to you “no fat kids” initiative?

8:54 pm: A DirecTV commercial about watching every game, wherever you live! Drink!

8:55 pm: Well, not only did Eli Manning step out of a certain sack to shovel a pass to Ahmad Bradshaw, he rumbled down the field for 51 yards. Once again, hold your “the Jets are going to win the World Cup!” horses!

8:57 pm: Eli Manning with some blood on the head. Quick! Hide the vampires!

8:59 pm: So, @SI_RossTucker tweeted that NFL preseason football is better than World Cup soccer. Hey Ross, SHUT UP. NFL commentators use so much hyperbole. It’s a bit ridiculous.

9:02 pm: Jaws throwing out the world “physical” once again. Drink! Honestly, you may want to keep the bottle nearby.

9:03 pm: Random, yet relevant tweet: “Who wants to bet me that #AntonioCromartie will have more drops than illegitimate kids by the end of this game?” (Courtesy of @jpq1999)

9:05 pm: Jason Pierre Paul may be “raw” in terms of football experience, but damn, the dude can backflip in cleats! Standing still!

9:06 pm: Dirty Sanchez looked…rather clean while rolling out for that completion to Crotchery. By the way, if you’re not watching the game…could you guess the leading receiver for the Jets over the past three years? (Answer coming up)

9:08 pm: Hey guess what, guys? Kinda hard to beat a block from a tight end WHEN YOU’RE BEING HELD. Pierre Paul would like for you to lay off his nuts, please.

9:09 pm: Nick Folk blew some field goals that seemed rather easy to make. But hey, everybody’s has-been trash is treasure to the Jets!

9:13 pm: So you can sue the makers of Accutane if you had to have your colon removed. Can you also sue them if people still call you Crater Face?

9:16 pm: So, Rex Ryan created the Max Zone Overload Blitz? Well, that’s what John Gruden would like for you to think. Or, for me to think. Whatever.

9:17 pm: Tony Dungy says that he wouldn’t hire Rex Ryan since he curses too much. Oh wait, is Tony Dungy affiliated with any team in a decision making capacity?!!?

9:21 pm: Mike Tirico mentioned that teams usually don’t keep their first team offense on the field throughout the first half. Oh yeah, preseason football is TOTALLY better than the World Cup.

9:23 pm: I commend Braylon Edwards for his ability to fit a helmet on, despite his ridiculously awesome beard.

9:27 pm: Frank Gifford looks good for eighty. I could get away with saying that by blaming it on the drugs, right?

9:31 pm: Jason Taylor. Not only an old face in a new place, but a race mixer! Full disclosure: So am I.

9:35 pm: Well, Stuart Scott is on the television. Which is my cue to wrap this up!! I’m not going to last through a second half all hopped up on meds. It’s been fun though! Thanks for reading!

As always, the opinions in this blog are only those of the author. Of course, the world would be a little more awesome if everyone thought like me.

Hello, and welcome to quite possibly the lamest portion of your day The Blacktooth Files (if this is your first time reading)! I’m still trying to figure this thing out, so things will be probably look different each time you check back here. I want to thank all the readers who patiently waited for updates when I was still going through Blogspot. It’s a new hopefully less boring chapter for TBF, and I hope that you decide to stay along for the boredom ride.

Many of you have probably heard of fantasy football in some way, shape, or form. You’ve either had friends/mates/spouses/family members who have played, or if you’re like me, you’ve wasted your time and sucked royally played yourself. And you’re not alone: fantasy football is kind of a big deal. The NFL, ESPN, CBS, and even Yahoo (to name a few) have fantasy football games that you can play. So let’s just say that it’s a little impossible for you to say, “I really want to play fantasy football, but I don’t know where to play.”

Don't worry, there are plenty of people available to play fantasy football with!

Now, when it comes to my own fantasy football experience, let’s just say that it’s been a work in progress. I did win a league twice—in 2004 (rode the Priest Holmes-McNabb-Chad Pennington train) and 2008 (Michael Turner was a burner indeed). Other than that, le sigh. I’ve had countless screw-ups (Reggie Wayne scored 3 TDs against Denver, I had him on the bench that week) and strings of bad luck (Tiki Barber decided to let loose in the last game of the season, after I had already been eliminated from the playoffs). I’ve even retired from fantasy football three times. But hey, I didn’t tell you that.

So have I learned my lesson from all the grade A screw ups from fantasy years gone by? Hell no! As a matter of fact, this post is actually an open invitation to any and everyone (well, at least ten people) who’s into fantasy football, and would want the dubious honor shame privilege of being in the first ever La Liga de TBF. The league will be through ESPN, and will have the following setup:

  • 10 teams,2 divisions of five each
  • Full season, playoffs start Week 14
  • Mostly standard scoring, extra points for things worth getting extra points for (200 yd rushing games, 400 yd passing games, etc.)
  • 16 players on a roster (1 QB, 3 RBs, one flex [RB/WR], two WRs, one TE, a team defense and kicker
  • Depending on the location of the participants the draft will either be in person or online
  • The winner will receive an actual trophy: The Daisy Cup (what it look like is TBD)

These are just some of the details about La Liga. If you are indeed interested, I’ll need to know by no later than August 20, 2010 (the season does start next month, after all. If you want to join, you can:

  • Let me know via Twitter
  • Email me: tbfilesblog[at]

Thanks for nothing, Tiki!! How's life with the mistress these days?

I’m not going to say that this will be the best decision you’ve ever made in your life, but hey, if you’re going to waste time playing fantasy football, why not do it with people who…are fun and awesome?!!?